I didn't fall in love with who they were.
I fell in love with:
Who they could be.
Their potential.
And it destroyed me.
What I Saw
Not Who They Were
But:
Who they'd be:
- When they got therapy
- When they healed
- When they worked through their issues
- When they were ready
- When they grew up
Someday.
Not What They Did
But:
What they were capable of:
- When they tried
- When they cared enough
- When they put in effort
- When they committed
If they wanted to.
Not How They Treated Me
But:
How they could treat me:
- If they just realized
- If they just understood
- If they just tried harder
- If they just changed
One day.
Why I Focused on Potential
I Saw Glimpses
Of the person:
They could be.
One good day.
One sweet gesture.
One meaningful conversation.
And I thought:
"See? They CAN be amazing. I just need to wait for them to be that consistently."
Waiting for:
The glimpse:
To become:
The reality.
I Wanted to Be the One
Who:
"Unlocked" them.
If I just:
- Loved them enough
- Was patient enough
- Supported them enough
- Believed in them enough
They'd become:
Their potential.
I Was Afraid to Give Up
On what:
We could be.
Even though:
We weren't:
That.
What Living for Their Potential Cost Me
Years
Waiting for:
"Someday."
While life:
Passed me by.
Myself
I shrunk.
I dimmed.
I became less.
To make room:
For their potential.
Reality
I lived in:
Fantasy.
Of what:
Could be.
Ignoring:
What was.
My Standards
I accepted:
Less than I deserved.
Telling myself:
"It'll get better when..."
It never did.
The Moment It Shattered
Five years in.
Friend: "Do you love who they are, or who you think they'll become?"
Me: "Both?"
Her: "What if they never become that?"
Silence.
Because:
I'd been dating:
A person:
Who didn't exist.
Yet.
Maybe ever.
The Truth About Potential
Potential Isn't a Person
It's a possibility.
And you can't:
Build a life:
With a possibility.
Potential Requires Action
Without action:
It's just:
A dream.
I was dating:
Their dream.
Not:
Their reality.
Focusing on Potential Means Ignoring Reality
Reality:
They weren't treating me well.
Potential:
"But they could be amazing!"
I chose potential.
Reality:
Got worse.
They Might Never Reach It
And if they don't:
You've wasted years:
On someone:
Who never became:
Who you needed.
What I Should Have Asked
Instead of:
"What could they become?"
I should've asked:
"Am I okay with them exactly as they are right now?"
The answer:
Was no.
But I stayed anyway.
For the potential.
The People Who Loved My Potential
I realized:
I'd done it too.
Friends:
Who loved:
My potential.
Who stayed:
Because:
"You're so close to being..."
Never accepting:
Who I actually was.
It felt awful.
Yet:
I was doing:
The same thing.
When I Finally Let Go
Of the potential.
Of the "could be."
Of the "one day."
I looked at:
Who they actually were:
- Inconsistent
- Emotionally unavailable
- Unwilling to change
- Not treating me well
- Not putting in effort
And I left.
What Happened After
They Reached Out
"I'm working on myself now. I'm going to therapy."
The potential:
Finally happening.
Old me:
Would've run back.
New me:
"I'm glad you're working on yourself. But I needed you to do that years ago. I'm done waiting."
I Met Someone Who Was Already "There"
Not potential.
Actual.
They were:
- Consistent
- Emotionally available
- Kind
- Respectful
- Present
Not "could be."
Was.
The Difference
Dating Potential:
- "They could be amazing if..."
- Waiting for change
- Making excuses
- Living in the future
- Ignoring present reality
Dating Reality:
- "They ARE [quality]"
- Accepting them as-is
- No excuses needed
- Living in the present
- Appreciating current reality
If You're Dating Someone's Potential
Ask yourself:
Am I happy with who they are TODAY?
Not who they could be. TODAY.
Are they actively working toward that potential?
Or is it just talk?
How long have I been waiting?
If it's been years—they're not changing.
Would I stay if they never changed?
If no—why are you still here?
What is this costing me?
Time? Energy? Self-worth? Reality?
What I Wish I'd Known
Potential:
Is not a person.
Stop dating:
Who someone could be.
Start dating:
Who someone IS.
Right now.
Today.
As they are.
If that's not enough:
Leave.
Don't wait:
For potential:
That may never:
Become reality.
Five Years Later
They texted:
"I finally became the person you always believed I could be."
Me:
"I'm glad for you. But I needed that person five years ago."
Because:
I wasn't willing:
To wait anymore:
For potential.
I found someone:
Who already was:
Everything I needed.
About 4Angles: Stop dating their potential—it'll destroy you while you wait for someone who may never become who you need. Date who they ARE, not who they could be.
Last updated: November 2, 2025