I planned the perfect revenge.
For months.
He cheated.
Lied.
Humiliated me.
And I wanted him to hurt:
The way he hurt me.
I fantasized about:
- Exposing him
- Telling everyone what he did
- Ruining his new relationship
- Making him regret it
I thought:
"If he suffers, I'll feel better."
I was wrong.
The Revenge I Planned
I had evidence.
Screenshots. Receipts. Proof.
I could:
- Send it to his new girlfriend
- Post it publicly
- Tell his family
- Ruin his reputation
And part of me:
Really wanted to.
Because:
He was moving on.
Happy.
While I was destroyed.
It felt unfair.
I wanted:
Justice.
What My Therapist Said
I told her my plan.
Expecting support.
Her: "Will it make you feel better?"
Me: "Yes. He deserves it."
Her: "That's not what I asked. Will YOU feel better?"
Me: "Of course. He'll finally understand how it feels."
Her: "Will he? Or will he just think you're crazy and vindictive?"
Me: pause
Her: "And after you do it—after he's hurt, after everyone knows—will you be healed? Or will you just be someone who's still thinking about him?"
I had no answer.
Why Revenge Feels Good (In Theory)
The fantasy:
I expose him.
Everyone sees who he really is.
His new girlfriend leaves.
He's alone and regretful.
He realizes what he lost.
He suffers.
And I:
Feel vindicated.
Feel powerful.
Feel avenged.
In the fantasy:
Revenge gives me closure.
Why Revenge Doesn't Work (In Reality)
1. It Keeps You Attached
Revenge requires:
Thinking about them.
Constantly.
Planning. Plotting. Waiting for the right moment.
You think you're taking power back.
Actually:
You're giving them more power over you.
Because every minute spent on revenge:
Is a minute you're still controlled by them.
2. They Won't React How You Want
You think they'll:
- Feel remorse
- Realize what they did
- Understand your pain
- Apologize
They'll actually:
- Get defensive
- Blame you
- Play victim
- Turn people against you
Because:
People who hurt you without remorse:
Won't suddenly develop remorse because you hurt them back.
3. It Makes You Look Bad
You think:
"Everyone will see the truth."
Some will.
Many won't.
Instead they'll:
- Call you bitter
- Say you can't move on
- Think you're obsessed
- Pity him
Because revenge:
Makes you look like the villain.
4. It Doesn't Heal You
After the revenge:
You'll feel:
Temporarily satisfied.
Then:
- Guilty
- Empty
- Still hurt
- Still betrayed
- Still thinking about them
Because:
Revenge doesn't erase what happened.
It just adds more pain to the situation.
5. You Become What You Hate
You hated that they:
- Hurt you
- Were cruel
- Were selfish
Revenge makes you:
- Hurt them
- Be cruel
- Be selfish
You think you're fighting fire with fire.
Actually:
You're just burning yourself too.
The Night I Almost Did It
I had the message typed.
To his new girlfriend.
Showing her everything.
My finger hovered over send.
And I thought:
"Will this actually make me feel better?"
"Or will I just be the crazy ex?"
"Will this heal me?"
"Or keep me stuck?"
I called my best friend.
Her: "Do it if you need to. But be honest—is this for you, or is this to hurt him?"
Me: "To hurt him."
Her: "Then it's not about healing. It's about revenge. And revenge doesn't heal. It just prolongs the pain."
I deleted the message.
What I Did Instead
1. I Felt My Anger
Instead of channeling it into revenge:
I felt it.
Screamed into pillows.
Wrote angry letters I never sent.
Hit a punching bag.
Cried.
Let the rage move through me:
Instead of using it to hurt him.
2. I Focused on My Healing
Every time I thought about revenge:
I redirected to healing:
- Went to therapy
- Journaled
- Spent time with friends
- Worked on myself
Put my energy:
Into building my life.
Not destroying his.
3. I Accepted Injustice
The hardest part:
He got away with it.
He wasn't punished.
He didn't suffer.
He moved on easily.
Life wasn't fair.
And I had to accept:
I couldn't control that.
I could only control:
My healing.
4. I Let Time Be My Revenge
Someone told me:
"The best revenge is moving on and being happy."
At first I hated that.
It felt passive.
But eventually:
I saw it.
Him staying stuck in toxic patterns:
Was his own punishment.
Me building a better life:
Was my revenge.
Six Months Later
His new relationship ended.
Exactly how ours did.
A friend told me:
"She found out he cheated. She's devastated. He's alone now."
And I waited to feel:
Satisfied.
I felt:
Nothing.
Because by then:
I'd moved on.
His suffering didn't give me peace.
My healing did.
What I Learned
1. Living Well Is The Best Revenge
Not because it hurts them.
But because it frees you.
2. Revenge Keeps You In The Past
Healing moves you to the future.
3. They'll Face Consequences Naturally
People who hurt others:
Keep hurting others.
Eventually:
Their patterns catch up to them.
You don't need to orchestrate it.
4. Your Energy Is Better Spent On You
Every minute planning revenge:
Is a minute not healing.
5. True Power Is Moving On
They want you:
Stuck. Bitter. Focused on them.
Real revenge:
Is no longer caring.
If You're Planning Revenge
Ask yourself:
Will it heal me?
Or just keep me attached?
Will they react how I want?
Or will it backfire?
Will I feel better after?
Or just guilty and empty?
Am I doing this for justice?
Or to hurt them?
If honest answers are:
- No
- Backfire
- Guilty
- To hurt them
Don't do it.
The Better Path
Instead of revenge:
Channel that energy into:
- Therapy
- Self-care
- Building your life
- New experiences
- New connections
- Your healing
Use their betrayal:
As fuel to become better.
Not bitter.
One Year Later
He reached out.
Apologized.
Said he made a mistake.
Old me:
Would've wanted that so badly.
Current me:
Felt nothing.
Because:
I'd already healed.
Without his apology.
Without revenge.
Without him suffering.
I healed:
By letting go.
The Truth
Revenge feels good:
In fantasy.
In reality:
It keeps you stuck.
The person you hurt most:
Is you.
True revenge:
Is healing so completely:
That you forget to hate them.
About 4Angles: Revenge won't heal you—it'll just keep you attached. The best revenge is moving on and building a life so good you forget they exist.
Last updated: October 31, 2025