I used to think:
"Why me? Why did I have to be the one who got hurt?"
Now I think:
"Thank god it was me and not the other way around."
Let me explain.
When It First Happened
He cheated.
Lied for months.
Destroyed me.
I felt:
Victim.
Betrayed.
Broken.
And I asked:
"Why me?"
"What did I do to deserve this?"
"How could he hurt me like this?"
I thought:
I drew the short straw.
I was the unlucky one.
But years later:
I realized:
I'm glad it was me.
Why I'm Glad
1. Because I Had a Conscience
I couldn't live with myself:
If I'd done what he did.
The guilt:
Would've destroyed me.
But him?
Sleeps fine.
Because:
He doesn't feel it.
I'm glad:
I'm the kind of person:
Who would feel it.
2. Because I Grew
Being hurt:
Forced me to:
- Go to therapy
- Look inward
- Understand myself
- Heal wounds I didn't know I had
- Become better
Him?
Still the same person.
Still hurting people.
Still avoiding himself.
I grew.
He didn't.
I'm glad:
I was pushed to grow.
3. Because I Learned What I Deserve
Being treated badly:
Taught me:
What I will:
Never accept again.
I learned:
- My worth
- My boundaries
- My standards
- What love isn't
I'm glad:
I learned.
4. Because I Didn't Carry That
The person who cheats:
Carries that forever.
Not guilt (in his case).
But:
The knowledge:
"I'm the kind of person who does that."
I don't have to carry:
That identity.
I'm glad:
I'm not him.
5. Because I Can Look At Myself
In the mirror.
With pride.
I handled it:
- With dignity (eventually)
- Without revenge
- Without becoming bitter
- Without losing myself
I'm glad:
I'm the person I am.
Not the person he is.
6. Because Pain Is Better Than Numbness
To hurt someone like that:
Requires:
Emotional numbness.
Lack of empathy.
Disconnection from self.
I'd rather:
Feel everything.
Even pain.
Than feel:
Nothing.
What Being Hurt Gave Me
It Gave Me Empathy
For others who've been hurt.
I can:
- Recognize pain
- Hold space
- Understand betrayal
- Sit with hurt
Because:
I've been there.
It Gave Me Strength
I survived:
The thing I thought:
Would destroy me.
And that:
Showed me:
I'm stronger:
Than I thought.
It Gave Me Standards
I know now:
What I will:
Never tolerate again.
Because:
I've felt what it costs.
It Gave Me Myself
The healing process:
Led me:
Back to me.
I found:
- Who I am
- What I want
- What I need
- What I value
I wouldn't trade that:
For anything.
It Gave Me Peace
Not immediately.
But eventually.
The peace of:
Knowing:
"I can survive anything."
"I'm the kind of person who faces pain and grows."
"I'm not running from myself."
What He Lost
By being the one who hurt:
He lost:
- Chance to grow
- Reason to look inward
- Empathy for pain
- Relationship with himself
And gained:
- Pattern that will repeat
- Disconnection
- Numbness
- Stagnation
He thinks:
He got away with it.
Actually:
He's stuck with himself.
And that's worse.
The Difference Between Us Now
Me:
- In therapy
- Healthier
- Self-aware
- Growing
- At peace
- In healthy relationship
Him:
- Same patterns
- New victim
- Still avoiding himself
- Stagnant
- Still running
I won.
Not in spite of being hurt.
Because of it.
The Reframe
Instead of:
"Why did this happen TO me?"
I ask:
"What did this teach me?"
Instead of:
"I'm the victim."
I say:
"I'm the one who grew from this."
Instead of:
"I wish it never happened."
I say:
"I'm glad it happened to someone with the capacity to heal from it."
The Hard Truth
Some people:
Are incapable:
Of the growth:
That pain requires.
They hurt others:
And learn nothing.
If I'd been the one:
Who hurt him:
I wouldn't have:
Let myself off the hook.
I would've:
Destroyed myself with guilt.
Gone to therapy.
Changed everything.
Him?
Just moved on.
I'm glad:
I'm me.
What I'd Tell My Past Self
You think:
Being the one who got hurt:
Makes you the loser.
Actually:
You're the one who:
- Gets to heal
- Gets to grow
- Gets to keep your integrity
- Gets to become better
- Gets to live with yourself
He's the one who:
- Stays stuck
- Avoids himself
- Carries that forever
- Never changes
- Lives with what he did
You won.
Even though it doesn't feel like it.
Two Years Later
Someone asked:
"Do you wish he'd been the one hurt instead?"
Me: "No."
Because:
If he'd been the one hurt:
I'd be the one:
Carrying what I did.
And I couldn't:
Live with that.
But he can.
That's the difference:
Between us.
And that's why:
I'm glad:
It was me.
Not because pain is good.
But because:
I'm the kind of person:
Who turns pain:
Into growth.
He's the kind:
Who turns pain:
Into others.
I'd rather be me:
Every time.
About 4Angles: Being hurt isn't losing. Being the kind of person who hurts others and learns nothing—that's losing.
Last updated: October 31, 2025