I waited.
For years.
Convinced:
If I just:
- Gave them time
- Was patient enough
- Loved them enough
- Showed them the impact
They'd change.
They never did.
Who I Waited For
The Friend Who Was Always Late
Every time.
I'd wait:
Thirty minutes.
An hour.
Sometimes more.
Thinking:
"Eventually she'll realize how disrespectful this is."
Year five:
Still late.
The Partner Who Wouldn't Commit
"I'm just not ready yet."
Year one:
Okay. I'll wait.
Year two:
Still waiting.
Year three:
He'll be ready soon.
He never was.
The Parent Who Was Critical
My entire life:
Waiting for:
Approval.
Acceptance.
For them to stop criticizing.
Decades later:
Still criticizing.
The Friend Who Only Called When She Needed Something
Years of:
Being her support system.
Thinking:
"Eventually she'll reciprocate."
She didn't.
What I Told Myself While Waiting
"People can change."
They can. Most don't.
"They're working on themselves."
Working on themselves looks like action, not words.
"I just need to be patient."
There's a difference between patience and doormat.
"They'll realize eventually."
They won't. They're comfortable.
"I can't give up on them."
But they've already given up on changing.
The Pattern
They'd:
Hurt me.
I'd:
Tell them how it hurt.
They'd:
Apologize.
I'd:
Wait for change.
They'd:
Do it again.
Repeat.
Forever.
When I Stopped Waiting
Therapist: "How long have you been waiting for them to change?"
Me: "Three years."
Her: "And what's different?"
Me: "Nothing."
Her: "So when will you stop waiting?"
Me: "When they change."
Her: "They're not going to. You're waiting for something that's not coming."
That:
Hurt.
And:
Was true.
Why People Don't Change
They Don't Have To
If you stay:
While they remain the same:
Why would they change?
There are no consequences.
Change Is Uncomfortable
It's easier:
To stay the same:
And blame you:
For:
- Being too sensitive
- Expecting too much
- Being impatient
- Not understanding
Than to actually change.
They Don't Think They Need To
In their mind:
You're the problem.
Not their behavior.
They Like Who They Are
Even if:
It hurts you.
What Waiting Cost Me
Years
Of my life.
Waiting for:
Someone to become:
Who they never would be.
Energy
Poured into:
Hoping.
Believing.
Waiting.
Instead of:
Living.
Myself
I shrunk.
I dimmed.
I accepted less.
All while waiting:
For them:
To rise:
To meet me.
They never did.
Other Opportunities
I stayed:
In situations:
That didn't serve me:
While:
Better opportunities:
Passed me by.
The Moment I Stopped
Latest apology:
Her: "I'm sorry I keep doing this. I'll change."
Old me:
Okay. I'll wait.
New me:
"You've said that before. Multiple times. I'm not waiting anymore."
Her: "So you're giving up on me?"
Me: "I'm giving up on waiting for you to change. You've shown me who you are. I believe you."
Left.
What Happened After I Stopped Waiting
Some People Got Angry
"You're not giving me a chance!"
Translation:
"You're not waiting indefinitely while I do nothing."
Some People Tried to Change (Briefly)
For a week.
Maybe two.
Then:
Back to old patterns.
Because:
They changed to get me back.
Not because they wanted to be different.
Some People Left
When I stopped accepting:
The same behavior:
They left.
Good.
I Found Peace
In accepting:
People as they are.
And choosing:
Not to stay:
When "as they are":
Isn't good for me.
The Difference
Healthy Patience:
- Waiting while someone does active work
- Seeing actual progress
- They're changing for themselves
- Timeline exists
- Effort is visible
Waiting Forever:
- Waiting while they do nothing
- No progress
- Empty promises
- No timeline
- No effort
One is supportive.
The other:
Is self-abandonment.
What I Do Now
When someone:
Shows me who they are:
I believe them.
The first time.
I don't wait:
For them to:
Become different.
If who they are:
Doesn't work for me:
I leave.
I don't wait for change.
I accept reality.
And act accordingly.
The Questions I Ask
Instead of:
"Will they change?"
I ask:
"Am I okay with them exactly as they are?"
If no:
I don't wait.
I leave.
If You're Waiting for Someone to Change
Ask yourself:
How long have I been waiting?
If it's been years—they're not changing.
What's different now vs. when I started waiting?
If nothing—stop waiting.
Are they actively working to change?
Or just saying they will?
Am I okay with them staying exactly as they are?
If no—stop waiting.
What is waiting costing me?
Time? Energy? Myself? Other opportunities?
Is it worth it?
Usually, no.
What I Wish I'd Known
People:
Show you who they are.
Repeatedly.
Believe them.
Don't wait for:
A version of them:
That doesn't exist.
Accept reality:
And decide:
Stay:
With them as they are.
Or:
Leave:
And stop waiting.
One Year After I Stopped Waiting
The friend who was always late:
Still late.
The partner who wouldn't commit:
Still uncommitted (to someone else now).
The critical parent:
Still critical.
The one-sided friend:
Still one-sided.
Nothing changed.
Except:
I'm no longer:
Waiting.
And that:
Changed everything.
About 4Angles: Stop waiting for people to change. They've shown you who they are—believe them. Accept it or leave, but don't waste years waiting for a version that doesn't exist.
Last updated: November 2, 2025