I spent years.
Trying to prove:
I was:
- Worthy of love
- Good enough
- Deserving of respect
- Worth keeping around
- Enough
To people who:
Had already decided:
I wasn't.
The Pattern
They'd treat me:
Badly.
And I'd think:
"If I just prove I'm worth it, they'll change."
So I'd:
Try harder.
Give more.
Be better.
Do more.
Shrink myself.
Expand myself.
Whatever I thought:
Would prove:
My worth.
They never changed.
What "Proving My Worth" Looked Like
With Him:
He'd:
Pull away.
I'd:
Chase harder.
Thinking:
"If I just show him how great I am, he'll want to stay."
Sending:
- Thoughtful texts
- Doing things for him
- Being extra understanding
- Never complaining
- Being "chill"
Proving:
I was worth choosing.
He still left.
With Her (Friend):
She'd:
Take me for granted.
I'd:
Be more available.
Thinking:
"If I'm always there, she'll value me."
Doing:
- Dropping everything for her
- Always saying yes
- Never asking for anything
- Being the "easy friend"
Proving:
I was worth keeping.
She still didn't reciprocate.
With Family:
They'd:
Criticize.
I'd:
Achieve more.
Thinking:
"If I'm successful enough, they'll be proud."
Becoming:
- The perfect daughter
- The overachiever
- The people-pleaser
- The one who never causes problems
Proving:
I was enough.
They still found things:
To criticize.
The Exhaustion
Of constantly:
Performing.
Proving.
Earning.
Justifying.
My right:
To be:
- Loved
- Respected
- Valued
- Chosen
Was crushing.
The Moment It Stopped
Therapist: "Who are you trying to prove yourself to?"
Me: "Everyone."
Her: "Why?"
Me: "So they'll see I'm worth it."
Her: "See what?"
Me: "That I'm enough. That I deserve love. That I'm worthy of—"
Her: "You're trying to prove something that's already true. You ARE worthy. You don't need anyone's validation to make that real."
Me: "But what if they don't see it?"
Her: "Then they're not your people. Your worth doesn't decrease based on someone's inability to see it."
I cried.
Because:
I'd spent decades:
Trying to prove:
Something:
I already was.
What I Realized
People who value you don't make you prove it
They see it.
Immediately.
Without you:
- Performing
- Overgiving
- Shrinking
- Proving
- Earning
People who don't value you won't, no matter what you prove
You could be:
- Perfect
- Successful
- Beautiful
- Talented
- Everything
And they'd still:
Find you lacking.
Because:
It's not about you.
It's about them.
Proving your worth is a losing game
No matter what you do:
It's never enough.
Because:
The goal:
Keeps moving.
Once you prove:
One thing:
They need you:
To prove:
Another.
Endless.
What Changed When I Stopped
I stopped:
Chasing people who pulled away.
Overgiving to friends who undervalued me.
Performing for family who wouldn't approve anyway.
Shrinking myself to fit into spaces that weren't meant for me.
And I started:
Existing.
As I am.
Without proof.
Without performance.
Without apology.
The People Who Left
When I stopped proving:
Half my social circle:
Disappeared.
Because:
They liked me:
When I was:
- Chasing
- Performing
- Giving
- Proving
They didn't like me:
When I just:
Existed.
Good.
The People Who Stayed
Didn't need me:
To prove anything.
They just:
Liked me.
As I was.
Messy.
Imperfect.
Not performing.
Just:
Being.
That's when I knew:
These were:
My people.
What I Do Now
When someone makes me feel:
Like I need to prove my worth:
I don't.
I leave.
Because:
People who are meant for me:
Don't make me earn:
Basic respect.
The Questions I Ask
When I feel:
The urge:
To prove myself:
"Am I performing or just being?"
If performing—stop.
"Do they see my worth already?"
If no—they won't, no matter what you prove.
"Am I chasing or being chosen?"
If chasing—walk away.
"Would they do this for me?"
If no—stop doing it for them.
The Friend Who Got It
New friend:
I started to:
Over-explain.
Overgive.
Prove my worth.
She said:
"You don't have to do all that. I already like you."
I almost cried.
Because:
I'd never had someone:
Just like me:
Without me:
Earning it.
What I'd Tell Past Me
Stop:
Proving.
Performing.
Earning.
Chasing.
The right people:
Will see your worth:
Immediately.
The wrong people:
Won't see it:
Ever.
No matter:
How much:
You prove.
Your worth:
Isn't up for debate.
Stop treating it:
Like it is.
If You're Trying to Prove Your Worth
To someone:
Stop.
Ask:
"Why am I trying to prove:
Something that's already true?"
Your worth:
Isn't conditional.
On:
- How much you give
- How perfect you are
- How small you make yourself
- How hard you try
- How much you achieve
You're worthy:
Because you exist.
Period.
Anyone who makes you:
Prove that:
Doesn't deserve:
Access to you.
About 4Angles: You don't need to prove your worth to anyone. The right people see it immediately. The wrong people won't—no matter what you do.
Last updated: November 2, 2025