I always gave people:
The benefit of the doubt.
"Maybe they didn't mean it."
"Maybe they're going through something."
"Maybe I misunderstood."
Always:
Maybe.
Giving them:
Endless chances:
To prove:
I was wrong:
About them.
I rarely was.
What Giving the Benefit of the Doubt Looked Like
They'd Hurt Me
I'd think:
"Maybe they didn't realize."
Giving them:
Credit:
They didn't deserve.
They'd Lie
I'd think:
"Maybe they just forgot."
Making excuses:
For intentional:
Dishonesty.
They'd Disrespect Me
I'd think:
"Maybe they're stressed."
Justifying:
Unacceptable behavior.
They'd Do It Again
I'd think:
"Maybe this time will be different."
Ignoring:
The pattern.
Why I Did It
I Didn't Want to Be "Mean"
Assuming the worst:
Felt:
Judgmental.
So I assumed:
The best.
Even when:
The worst:
Was obvious.
I Wanted to Believe People Were Good
Deep down:
I thought:
Everyone:
Had good intentions.
They don't.
I Thought It Made Me a Better Person
Giving chances.
Being understanding.
Not jumping to conclusions.
Actually:
It just made me:
A doormat.
What It Cost Me
Years
Of accepting:
Repeated hurt.
Because:
I kept giving:
The benefit of the doubt.
My Trust in Myself
Every time:
My gut said:
"Something's wrong."
I'd override it:
"No, give them the benefit of the doubt."
Teaching myself:
Not to trust:
My instincts.
My Boundaries
I'd set one.
They'd cross it.
I'd think:
"Maybe they didn't understand."
And let it slide.
Over and over.
When I Stopped
Therapist: "Why do you keep giving them the benefit of the doubt?"
Me: "Because maybe they deserve it."
Her: "Do they? Or have they shown you—repeatedly—who they are?"
Me: "But what if I'm wrong about them?"
Her: "What if you're right?"
Silence.
Because:
I was.
What I Do Now
I Believe People the First Time
They show me:
Who they are.
I don't wait:
For the fifth time:
To accept it.
I Trust My Gut
If something:
Feels off:
It is.
I don't talk myself:
Out of it.
I Watch Patterns, Not Apologies
Anyone can say:
"I'm sorry."
Few:
Actually change.
I watch:
What they do.
Not what they say.
I Don't Make Excuses for People
If they're:
- Rude
- Disrespectful
- Dishonest
- Hurtful
I don't excuse it:
With:
"Maybe they're stressed."
I address it:
Or leave.
The Difference
Giving the Benefit of the Doubt:
Ignoring red flags:
In favor of:
"Maybe."
Trusting Evidence:
Believing:
What people show you:
About who they are.
If You Keep Giving the Benefit of the Doubt
Ask:
How many times:
Have you given it?
If it's more than once:
For the same behavior:
Stop.
They've shown you:
Who they are.
Believe them.
About 4Angles: Stop giving endless benefit of the doubt to people who've shown you—repeatedly—who they are. Trust evidence over "maybe."
Last updated: November 2, 2025