I used to explain.
Endlessly.
Defending myself:
Against:
Intentional:
Misunderstandings.
Then I realized:
They understood perfectly.
They just chose:
To twist it.
The Pattern
I'd say something clear:
"I need space to process."
They'd say:
"So you're giving up on us?"
Twisting:
My words.
Me: "That's not what I said."
Them: "That's what it sounded like."
Making me:
Defend:
Something I never said.
The Signs They Misunderstood "On Purpose"
1. You'd Clarify—They'd Twist Again
Me: "I said I need space, not that I'm leaving."
Them: "Well it feels like you're leaving."
Moving goalposts.
2. They'd Focus on One Word
Out of an entire sentence:
Me: "I feel like you're not hearing me when I express concerns."
Them: "So you think I NEVER listen to you? That's not fair."
Focusing on "never":
Instead of:
The actual issue.
3. They'd Play Dumb
Me: "You know what I mean."
Them: "No, I don't. Explain."
Making me:
Over-explain:
Something obvious.
4. They'd Turn It Around
Me: "I felt hurt when you canceled again."
Them: "So I'm a terrible person?"
Making themselves:
The victim.
5. They'd Use Your Words Against You
Later:
"You said you needed space. So I'm giving it to you. Why are you upset?"
Using "space":
To justify:
Ignoring me:
For days.
When I Realized It Was Intentional
Me: "I need better communication."
Them: "So you're calling me a bad communicator?"
Me: "That's not what I said. I said I need—"
Them: "You literally just said I'm bad at communicating."
Me: "I said I need better communication between us. Not that you're—"
Them: "You're backtracking now."
That's when:
I realized:
They understood.
They just wanted me:
To defend myself:
Instead of:
Addressing the issue.
Why They Do It
To Avoid Accountability
If they can:
Make you defend yourself:
They don't have to:
Address:
What you actually said.
To Make You the Problem
By twisting:
Your words:
Suddenly:
You're:
- Being unfair
- Attacking them
- The bad guy
And they're:
The victim.
To Exhaust You
So you stop:
Bringing things up.
If every conversation:
Becomes:
You defending yourself:
Eventually:
You'll stop talking.
What I Used to Do
Defend.
Clarify.
Re-explain.
Over-explain.
Trying to make them:
Understand:
What I actually meant.
Hours:
Of circular conversations.
That went:
Nowhere.
What I Do Now
When someone:
Intentionally misunderstands:
I say:
"That's not what I said. I've been clear."
And:
I stop.
I don't:
- Re-explain
- Defend
- Clarify again
- Engage
If they want to:
Misunderstand:
Let them.
The Conversation That Changed Everything
Them: "So you think I'm a terrible person?"
Old me:
"No! That's not what I meant. Let me explain..."
New me:
"I've been clear about what I said. If you choose to hear something else, that's on you."
Then:
Left the conversation.
What Happened
They:
Suddenly "understood."
Because:
I stopped playing:
The game.
If Someone Keeps Misunderstanding You
Ask:
Are you being clear?
If yes—it's intentional.
Do they twist your words repeatedly?
Red flag.
Do they make you defend things you didn't say?
Manipulation.
Do conversations go in circles?
They're not trying to understand.
Stop defending yourself:
To people who:
Understand perfectly.
They're choosing:
To misunderstand:
To control you.
About 4Angles: If someone constantly misunderstands you despite being clear—it's intentional. Stop defending yourself to people who twist your words on purpose.
Last updated: November 2, 2025