Everyone said I was being cruel.
"After fifteen years of friendship?"
"Without even explaining?"
"That's so cold."
I thought:
"Maybe they're right. Maybe I'm being harsh."
Then my therapist said:
"No contact isn't cruelty. It's self-preservation."
She was right.
What Happened Before No Contact
Years of:
Her:
- Calling only when she needed something
- Dismissing my problems
- One-upping my pain
- Never showing up for me
- Taking, never giving
Me:
- Always there for her
- Listening for hours
- Helping constantly
- Getting nothing back
- Feeling drained
I tried:
- Talking to her about it
- Setting boundaries
- Asking for reciprocity
- Explaining what I needed
She:
- Got defensive
- Made excuses
- Promised to change
- Didn't
For years.
Why I Finally Went No Contact
Not because:
One big thing.
But because:
A thousand small things.
That added up to:
"I can't do this anymore."
And I knew:
Another conversation:
Wouldn't change anything.
We'd already had:
Ten of them.
Why I Didn't Explain
People asked:
"Why didn't you tell her why?"
Because:
I did.
Multiple times.
For years.
She knew.
She just:
Chose not to change.
Another explanation:
Wouldn't have made a difference.
It would've just:
- Given her ammunition
- Led to manipulation
- Dragged it out
- Made it harder
What No Contact Actually Meant
It meant:
I:
- Blocked her number
- Unfollowed on social media
- Didn't respond to messages
- Removed her from my life
Completely.
Not because:
I hated her.
But because:
I needed to heal.
And I couldn't:
While still connected.
Why It Was Kind
1. Kind to Me
I'd been:
Sacrificing myself:
For years.
Giving:
Everything.
Getting:
Nothing.
No contact:
Was choosing myself.
Finally.
That's not cruel.
That's survival.
2. Kind to Her
Staying:
While resenting her:
Wasn't kindness.
It was passive aggression.
Leaving:
Honestly:
Gave her:
The chance:
To find people:
Who wanted what she offered.
3. Kind to the Relationship
What we had:
Was dead.
I was:
Just pretending:
It wasn't.
No contact:
Was finally admitting:
This is over.
Instead of:
Dragging out the corpse.
What People Misunderstand
People think:
No contact = punishment.
Actually:
No contact = protection.
It's not about:
Hurting them.
It's about:
Not hurting yourself.
Anymore.
The Guilt I Felt
For months:
I felt terrible.
Guilty for:
- Not explaining
- "Abandoning" her
- Being "cruel"
- Not giving one more chance
But then:
I asked myself:
"How many chances is enough?"
I'd given:
Dozens.
At what point:
Is it okay:
To choose me?
The Aftermath
She tried:
To reach out.
Through:
- Texts (blocked)
- Social media (blocked)
- Mutual friends (told them not to pass messages)
- Emails (deleted unread)
Every attempt:
Reinforced:
She still:
Didn't respect my boundaries.
Even in leaving:
She proved:
Why I had to.
What I Learned
1. You Don't Owe Explanations
Especially:
When you've already given them.
Multiple times.
2. No Contact Isn't Mean
It's:
Self-protection.
And you're allowed:
To protect yourself.
3. Guilt Doesn't Mean You're Wrong
I felt guilty.
But:
Guilt just meant:
I'd been programmed:
To prioritize others.
Not that:
I was wrong.
4. The Right People Understand
My real friends:
Didn't judge.
They said:
"I'm proud of you."
The people:
Who called me cruel:
Were people:
Who needed me:
To keep sacrificing myself.
5. Closure Comes From Within
I didn't get:
A final conversation.
Her understanding.
An apology.
And I healed anyway.
Because:
Closure:
Isn't something:
They give you.
It's something:
You give yourself.
One Year Later
People ask:
"Do you regret it?"
No.
I regret:
Not doing it sooner.
The Peace I Found
Without her:
I have:
- Energy for real friends
- Time for myself
- Peace
- No resentment
- No guilt
- Freedom
With her:
I had:
- Exhaustion
- Resentment
- Guilt
- One-sided effort
- Constant drain
The choice:
Is obvious.
If You're Considering No Contact
Ask yourself:
"Have I already explained what I need?"
Yes?
Then no more explanations necessary.
"Have they shown they can change?"
No?
Then they won't.
"Am I staying out of guilt or love?"
Guilt?
Then it's time to go.
"Would I advise my best friend to stay in this?"
No?
Then don't.
The Permission You Need
You don't need:
- One final conversation
- Their understanding
- Their blessing
- A dramatic reason
You just need:
To be done.
And "I'm done":
Is reason enough.
No contact:
Isn't cruel.
It's:
The kindest thing:
You can do:
For yourself.
And sometimes:
For them too.
About 4Angles: No contact isn't cruelty—it's self-preservation. You don't need to explain why you're protecting your peace.
Last updated: October 31, 2025