I waited.
For the conversation:
That would make sense of everything.
The explanation.
The clarity.
The closure.
I finally got it.
And it didn't help.
At all.
What I Thought Closure Would Give Me
Answers:
"Why did you leave?" "What did I do wrong?" "Did you ever really love me?"
I thought:
If I just knew:
I could:
- Understand
- Move on
- Find peace
- Stop wondering
The Conversation I Finally Got
Six months later.
He agreed:
To talk.
I asked everything:
"Why did you end it?"
Him: "I don't know. I just felt like it wasn't right."
"But what changed?"
Him: "Nothing specific. Just a feeling."
"Did I do something wrong?"
Him: "No. It wasn't you. It was me."
"What does that mean?"
Him: "I don't know. I just wasn't ready."
Vague.
Unclear.
Unsatisfying.
Every answer.
What I Realized About Closure
Even when they talk:
They don't give:
Real answers.
Because:
1. They Don't Know
Why they did what they did.
They acted:
On impulse.
On feeling.
On selfishness.
Not:
On well-thought-out reasons:
They can articulate.
2. They Won't Be Honest
The real reason:
Might be:
- They met someone else
- They got bored
- They were never serious
- They're emotionally unavailable
They won't say that.
They'll say:
"It's not you, it's me."
Vague.
Safe.
Meaningless.
3. The Truth Won't Help
Even if they said:
"I left because I found someone else."
Would that help?
No.
It would hurt more.
You'd just have:
A different question:
"But why them and not me?"
The closure hunt:
Never ends.
4. You Want Them to Validate Your Pain
What you really want:
Is for them to say:
"You're right. I was wrong. You deserved better. I hurt you and I'm sorry."
But even if they do:
It doesn't:
Undo the hurt.
The Closure Conversation That Went "Well"
Different ex.
I asked for closure.
He gave it:
"I left because I wasn't ready for commitment. You wanted more than I could give. You deserved better. I'm sorry I hurt you."
Everything:
I wanted to hear.
I thought:
I'd feel better.
I didn't.
Because:
Knowing why:
Doesn't change:
That it happened.
What Closure From Them Can't Give You
It Can't Change the Past
They hurt you.
Understanding why:
Doesn't unhurt you.
It Can't Give You Your Time Back
You spent:
Months.
Years.
With someone:
Who left.
Closure:
Doesn't give you:
That time back.
It Can't Fix Your Self-Worth
If you're looking:
For them:
To validate you:
You're giving them:
Power over:
How you see yourself.
It Can't Make You Stop Hurting
Pain:
Doesn't end:
With answers.
It ends:
With healing.
Which comes:
From you.
Not them.
What Actually Gave Me Closure
Not:
Their explanation.
But:
Accepting I'll Never Fully Understand
They left.
That's all:
I need to know.
The why:
Doesn't matter.
The fact:
That they could leave:
Tells me:
Everything.
Realizing Their Reasons Don't Define Me
They left:
Because of them.
Not:
Because of my worth.
I could be:
Perfect.
And they'd still:
Have left.
Because:
It was never:
About me.
Giving Myself the Answers
Why did they leave?
Because they weren't right for me.
What did I do wrong?
Nothing. I was enough. They just weren't ready.
Did they ever love me?
Maybe. Maybe not. But I know I loved authentically. That's what matters.
Will I be okay?
Yes. Because I don't need them to tell me I will be.
The Letter I Wrote to Myself
Instead of:
Asking them for closure.
I wrote:
Dear Me,
You want them to explain why they hurt you. But their reasons won't heal you. Only you can do that.
You're looking for them to validate your worth. But you are worthy—regardless of whether they saw it.
You want answers that make sense. But sometimes people leave for reasons that have nothing to do with you, and everything to do with them.
Close this chapter yourself. You don't need their permission or their explanation.
You just need to decide:
I'm done waiting for them to give me peace.
I'm giving it to myself.
That:
Was my closure.
Six Months Later
He reached out:
"I know you wanted closure. Can we talk?"
Old me:
Would've said yes:
Immediately.
New me:
"I don't need closure from you anymore. I gave it to myself."
Him:
"Oh. Okay. I'm glad you're doing better."
And I was.
Because:
I stopped waiting:
For him:
To free me.
I freed myself.
If You're Waiting for Closure
Ask yourself:
What do I think:
Their explanation:
Will give me?
Peace?
You can give that to yourself.
Understanding?
You already understand enough: they left.
Validation?
You don't need them to validate you.
Permission to move on?
You already have it.
The closure:
You're seeking:
Isn't in:
Their words.
It's in:
Your decision:
To stop:
Needing their words.
The Real Closure
Comes when:
You realize:
You don't need:
Them:
To explain.
You don't need:
Them:
To apologize.
You don't need:
Them:
To validate.
You just need:
Yourself:
To decide:
This chapter:
Is closed.
Regardless:
Of what they say.
About 4Angles: Closure from them will never satisfy you—because healing doesn't come from their explanations. It comes from accepting you don't need their answers to move on.
Last updated: November 2, 2025