Looking back.
The signs:
Were everywhere.
Bright red flags:
Waving:
From date one.
But I:
Ignored every single one.
Because:
I wanted it to work.
So badly.
The Signs I Ignored
Date Two: He Criticized the Waiter
Rudely.
I thought:
"He's just having a bad day."
Red flag:
How someone treats service workers:
Is how they'll eventually treat you.
Ignored it.
Week One: He Love-Bombed Me
Constant texts.
Over-the-top compliments.
"I think I'm falling for you."
WEEK ONE.
I thought:
"He's just really into me!"
Red flag:
Too much, too soon:
Is manipulation.
Not passion.
Ignored it.
Week Two: He Got Jealous Over Nothing
I mentioned:
A male coworker.
He got quiet.
Then:
"Do you talk to him a lot?"
I thought:
"He just really likes me."
Red flag:
Early jealousy:
Becomes control.
Ignored it.
Week Three: He Bad-Mouthed His Ex
Called her:
"Crazy."
"Psycho."
"Controlling."
I thought:
"Poor guy. She must have been terrible."
Red flag:
How he talks about exes:
Is how he'll talk about you.
Ignored it.
Month One: He Wanted All My Time
Every night.
Every weekend.
Every free moment.
When I had other plans:
"You'd rather be with them than me?"
I thought:
"He just loves spending time with me!"
Red flag:
Isolation starts early.
Ignored it.
Month Two: He Made "Jokes" That Hurt
"You're so sensitive, haha."
"You'd be perfect if you lost ten pounds, kidding!"
"You're not that smart, but that's okay."
I thought:
"He's just joking. I'm too sensitive."
Red flag:
"Jokes" that hurt:
Aren't jokes.
They're insults.
Ignored it.
Month Three: He Refused to Apologize
Ever.
Everything was:
- My fault
- A misunderstanding
- Me being too sensitive
- Not a big deal
I thought:
"Maybe I am overreacting."
Red flag:
No accountability:
Means no respect.
Ignored it.
Month Four: My Friends Didn't Like Him
All of them.
Every single one.
I thought:
"They just don't know him like I do."
Red flag:
When everyone who loves you:
Doesn't like them:
Listen.
Ignored it.
Month Five: I Felt Anxious All the Time
Checking my phone constantly.
Wondering if he was mad.
Walking on eggshells.
I thought:
"That's just how love feels."
Red flag:
Love doesn't feel like anxiety.
Ignored it.
Month Six: He Started Controlling What I Wore
"Are you wearing that?"
"That's a bit revealing."
"You look better in [different outfit]."
I thought:
"He's just trying to help."
Red flag:
Controlling your appearance:
Is controlling you.
Ignored it.
Why I Ignored Them
I Wanted It to Work
So badly.
I'd been single:
For so long.
I didn't want:
To start over.
I Made Excuses
For everything:
"He's just stressed."
"He had a rough childhood."
"He doesn't mean it."
"He's working on himself."
None of it:
Was true.
I Thought I Could Fix Him
If I just:
- Loved him enough
- Was patient enough
- Understood him enough
- Gave him enough chances
He'd change.
He didn't.
I Didn't Think I Deserved Better
Deep down:
I thought:
This was:
As good as:
I'd get.
I Was Already Invested
Six months in:
I'd already:
- Told everyone about him
- Imagined a future
- Fallen for the potential
- Ignored the reality
Walking away:
Felt like:
Admitting failure.
What Happened Next
The red flags:
I ignored:
Became:
The reality:
I lived.
Every single thing:
I excused:
Got worse.
Jealousy:
Became control.
"Jokes":
Became regular insults.
Wanting my time:
Became isolation.
No apologies:
Became gaslighting.
When I Finally Left
Year two.
I'd become:
Someone I didn't recognize.
Small.
Anxious.
Apologizing for existing.
I looked back:
At the beginning.
And realized:
Every warning sign:
Was there.
Date one.
I just:
Chose not to see them.
What I Wish I'd Done
Date Two
When he was rude to the waiter:
I wish I'd:
Not had a date three.
Week One
When he love-bombed me:
I wish I'd:
Slowed down.
Set boundaries.
Trusted my gut:
That said:
"This is too much."
Week Three
When he bad-mouthed his ex:
I wish I'd:
Asked myself:
"Will he talk about me this way too?"
The answer:
Was yes.
Month One
When my friends expressed concern:
I wish I'd:
Listened.
Instead of defending him.
Month Five
When I felt constant anxiety:
I wish I'd:
Left.
Because:
Love shouldn't feel:
Like that.
The Red Flags to Never Ignore
How They Treat Others
- Service workers
- Exes
- Their family
- Strangers
That's:
How they'll treat you.
Too Much, Too Soon
- Love bombing
- Instant "I love you"
- Moving too fast
- Wanting all your time immediately
Not passion.
Manipulation.
Early Control or Jealousy
- Questioning your friendships
- Wanting to know where you are
- Getting upset about normal things
Only gets worse.
No Accountability
- Never apologizes
- Always your fault
- Can't admit wrongdoing
You'll never be right.
Your Gut Feeling
If something feels off:
It is.
Trust it.
When People Who Love You Are Concerned
Listen to them.
They see:
What you're too close:
To see.
If You're Ignoring Red Flags
Ask yourself:
Why?
Are you:
- Afraid of being alone?
- Invested in the potential?
- Making excuses?
- Hoping they'll change?
- Ignoring your gut?
Red flags:
Don't go away.
They get bigger.
Until:
You can't ignore them anymore.
Save yourself:
The time.
The heartbreak.
The version of yourself:
You'll lose.
Walk away:
At the first red flag.
Not the fiftieth.
About 4Angles: The red flags you ignore at the beginning become the reality you live. Trust your gut, listen to loved ones, and walk away early—not after years.
Last updated: November 2, 2025