Date three.
He told me about his exes.
And I ignored:
The biggest red flag.
That would predict:
Everything.
What He Said
Him:
"My ex was crazy. Like actually unstable. She accused me of cheating when I wasn't. She was so insecure and controlling."
Me: "That sounds really hard."
Him:
"Yeah. And the one before her? Also crazy. Super dramatic. Made everything about her."
Me: "Wow."
Him:
"And before that—honestly, I think I just attract toxic women."
The Red Flag
Three exes.
All "crazy."
I thought:
"Poor guy. He's been through a lot."
I should've thought:
"If everyone he dates is crazy—he's the problem."
Why I Ignored It
Because:
1. He Seemed So Self-Aware
He talked about:
- Therapy
- Growth
- Learning from past relationships
I thought:
"He's done the work."
Actually:
He'd learned:
Therapy language:
To hide manipulation.
2. I Wanted to Be Different
"I'll be the one who isn't crazy. I'll be the exception."
Narrator: She wasn't.
3. He Made Me Feel Special
"You're not like them. You're so calm and understanding."
Translation:
"You're not calling me out yet."
4. I Didn't Want to Judge
"Everyone has baggage. I shouldn't hold his past against him."
Right.
But patterns:
Are information.
What Happened Next
Month 3:
Small criticism:
"You're being dramatic."
I thought:
"Maybe I am."
Month 6:
More frequent:
"You're overreacting."
"You're too sensitive."
"You're making this into a big deal."
I thought:
"Maybe he's right."
Month 9:
Constant:
"You're acting crazy."
And I realized:
I'd become:
Another "crazy ex."
The Pattern I Finally Saw
He called them crazy:
For:
Responding to his behavior.
Ex 1 "crazy":
Accused him of cheating.
What he didn't mention:
He was texting other women constantly. Gaslighting her about it.
Ex 2 "crazy":
Super dramatic and made everything about her.
What he didn't mention:
She was reacting to his emotional abuse.
Ex 3 "crazy":
Insecure and controlling.
What he didn't mention:
He gave her reasons to be insecure. Then called her crazy for it.
The pattern:
He created the conditions:
That made them "crazy."
Then blamed them:
For reacting.
When I Became "Crazy"
Me: "Why didn't you tell me you were going out tonight?"
Him: "I don't have to report to you."
Me: "I'm not asking you to report. I'm asking you to communicate."
Him: "You're being controlling. Just like her."
And there it was.
I'd become:
The crazy ex.
Not because I changed.
But because:
I started:
Having needs.
Setting boundaries.
Asking for respect.
And he:
Called it crazy.
The Conversation With My Friend
Friend: "He says all his exes were crazy?"
Me: "Yeah."
Her: "That's your red flag right there."
Me: "What do you mean?"
Her: "One crazy ex? Maybe. Two? Possible. But if EVERYONE he's dated is crazy—he's the common denominator."
And it clicked.
What "Crazy" Actually Meant
When he said:
"She was crazy."
He meant:
"She had boundaries I didn't respect."
"She called me out on my behavior."
"She had emotional reactions to my abuse."
"She didn't accept my excuses."
"She expected basic respect."
"Crazy":
Was his word:
For anyone who:
Didn't tolerate his bullshit.
The Other Red Flags I Ignored
Once I saw the pattern:
I saw the rest:
He Was Always the Victim
Every story:
He'd been wronged.
Never:
His fault.
He Had No Close Friends
Acquaintances? Yes.
Deep friendships? No.
Because:
People who know him well:
Don't stick around.
He Love-Bombed
Moved fast.
Intense immediately.
"You're perfect."
"I've never felt this way."
"You're the one."
Date five.
He Isolated Me Slowly
Criticized my friends.
Made plans that excluded them.
Wanted all my time.
I thought:
"He just loves me."
Actually:
He was isolating me.
He Didn't Take Accountability
Ever.
For anything.
It was always:
- Someone else's fault
- A misunderstanding
- Me being too sensitive
When I Left
I told him:
"This isn't working. I'm done."
Him:
"You're being dramatic."
Me:
"And there it is."
I left.
What He's Doing Now
Dating someone new.
Mutual friend:
"He says you were crazy. That you overreacted to everything."
I laughed.
Because:
I'm the new:
"Crazy ex."
And she'll be too.
Eventually.
The Red Flag You Should Never Ignore
If someone says:
"All my exes were crazy."
Run.
Because:
It means:
- They create the conditions for "crazy" behavior
Through abuse, gaslighting, boundary violations.
- They lack accountability
Never their fault. Always the other person.
- They rewrite history
Their victims become villains.
- You'll be next
The moment you have needs, boundaries, or feelings.
What I Wish I'd Done
On date three:
When he said:
"All my exes were crazy."
I wish I'd said:
"Interesting. I have to go."
And never looked back.
One Year Later
I'm dating someone new.
Me: "Tell me about your past relationships."
Him:
"I have an ex I was with for three years. We grew apart. We're civil now. And one before that—we wanted different things. It ended amicably."
No:
"Crazy exes."
No blame.
Just:
Mature acknowledgment:
That relationships end.
That's how I know:
He's different.
The Lesson
One "crazy" ex:
Could be bad luck.
All "crazy" exes:
Is a pattern.
And you:
Will be added:
To that list.
Trust that red flag.
The first time you see it.
About 4Angles: If all their exes were "crazy"—they're the problem. You'll be the next "crazy ex" the moment you have boundaries.
Last updated: October 31, 2025