I was always there.
Every:
- Crisis
- Breakup
- Bad day
- 3am call
I showed up.
Then:
I needed help.
Once.
And she disappeared.
The Ten Years Before
I was:
Her person.
Breakup?
I canceled plans to sit with her.
Job loss?
I helped update her resume, practiced interviews.
Family drama?
Hours on the phone. Every time.
Bad date?
Picked her up. Ice cream. Listened for three hours.
I never said no.
Because:
That's what friends do.
Right?
The Pattern I Didn't See
Looking back:
Our friendship was:
Her venting.
Me listening.
Her problems.
My solutions.
Her needs.
My time.
Always.
The One Time I Needed Her
Year ten.
My mom got sick.
Badly.
I texted her:
"Hey, I know this is a lot, but my mom is in the hospital. I'm really struggling. Can we talk?"
Her:
"Oh no! That's terrible. I'm so sorry. I'm swamped with work this week but let's catch up soon ❤️"
I waited.
She didn't reach out.
Week two:
Me:
"Things are getting worse. I could really use a friend right now."
Her:
"I'm so sorry you're going through this! I've been crazy busy. Hang in there! 💪"
No call.
No offer to help.
No follow-up.
Just:
Empty words.
What I Realized
She liked me as a friend:
When I was:
- Helpful
- Available
- Supportive
- Strong
- Put together
She didn't like me:
When I was:
Human.
And needed support back.
The Conversation That Ended It
Month two.
Of my mom being sick.
She texted:
"Coffee? I need to vent about work drama."
I stared at my phone.
For ten minutes.
Then typed:
"I can't. I'm dealing with a lot right now."
Her:
"Oh. Okay. Is everything okay?"
Me:
"No. I told you my mom is sick. I've been trying to reach you for two months."
Her:
"I know! I'm sorry. I've just been so busy. You know how it is."
Me:
"I was never too busy for you."
Her:
"Wow. That's unfair. I said I'm sorry. You're being really harsh right now."
And there it was.
I was:
Being harsh.
For:
Having needs.
The Pattern of One-Sided Friendships
Looking back at ten years:
I Was Always Available
3am?
I answered.
Busy with work?
I made time.
Had plans?
I canceled.
For her.
She Was Available When It Was Convenient
Her schedule was clear?
She'd meet up.
She needed something?
She'd call.
I needed her?
She was "busy."
The Friendship Only Worked One Direction
Her to me:
Unlimited support.
Me to her:
"I'm swamped."
"Let's catch up soon."
"Hang in there!"
Empty platitudes.
The Other Signs I Ignored
Once I saw it:
I saw them all:
1. She Never Asked About Me
Our conversations:
Her: "So I'm dealing with this thing at work..."
Twenty minutes of her talking.
Me: "Yeah, I actually had something similar—"
Her: "Ugh, that reminds me of another thing..."
Back to her.
Always.
2. My Wins Made Her Uncomfortable
Me: "I got promoted!"
Her: "Oh. That's great. I'm actually feeling really stuck in my job..."
Shifts to her struggle.
Every time.
3. She Kept Score
One time I couldn't make her birthday:
She brought it up:
For three years.
The hundreds of times I showed up?
Never mentioned.
4. She Framed It As My Fault
"You're so busy lately."
Translation:
"You're not available for me 24/7 anymore."
"You've changed."
Translation:
"You have boundaries now and I don't like it."
5. She Disappeared When I Was Struggling
Good times?
She was there.
Hard times?
"So busy."
"Going through a lot."
"Let's catch up soon."
Never did.
When I Finally Said Something
Month three.
I called her.
Me: "I need to talk about our friendship."
Her: "Okay?"
Me: "I've been there for you through everything. Every breakup, every crisis, every bad day. I've never been too busy."
Her: "...Okay?"
Me: "And when my mom got sick, I asked you for support. You said you were too busy."
Her: "I WAS busy. I'm sorry I can't drop everything for you like you do. We're different."
Me: "I'm not asking you to drop everything. I'm asking you to show up. Once. In ten years of me showing up for you."
Her: "I don't know what you want from me. I said I'm sorry. You're making me feel like a bad friend."
Me: "I'm not making you feel anything. I'm telling you how I feel."
Her: "Well, I don't deserve this. I've been a good friend to you."
Silence.
Me: "When?"
Her: "I can't believe you'd say that. After everything we've been through."
Translation:
"After everything YOU'VE done for ME."
Me: "I think we're done."
Her: "Seriously? Over this?"
Me: "Over ten years of one-sided friendship that I only noticed when I needed you once."
I hung up.
What She Said After
To mutual friends:
"She just cut me off out of nowhere. I don't know what I did."
Out of nowhere.
After:
- Two months of me asking for support
- Ten years of one-sided friendship
- A conversation where she took zero accountability
"Out of nowhere."
The Truth About One-Sided Friendships
They work:
Until you need something.
Then:
You realize:
They weren't your friend.
You were:
Their support system.
Their therapist.
Their emotional crutch.
Their convenient helper.
But never:
Their friend.
One Year Later
She texted:
"Hey! I miss you. Want to grab coffee?"
I stared at the message.
Old me:
Would've said yes immediately.
New me:
Deleted it.
Because:
I know why she's reaching out.
She needs something.
And I'm not her:
On-call support person:
Anymore.
If Your Friendship Feels One-Sided
Ask yourself:
When you need help:
Are they there?
Or:
"Too busy."
"Going through stuff."
"Let's catch up soon."
When they need help:
Do you drop everything?
While they:
Can barely send a text?
Do they ask about you?
Or:
Every conversation:
Is about them?
Do your wins make them happy?
Or:
Uncomfortable?
If it's one-sided:
You're not losing a friend:
By leaving.
You never had one.
About 4Angles: Real friendships are reciprocal. If someone is only there when they need you—not when you need them—it's not friendship. It's convenience.
Last updated: November 2, 2025