I spent years performing.
Trying to prove:
I was worth:
- Loving
- Choosing
- Keeping
- Valuing
To people who:
Kept showing me:
I wasn't.
Then one day:
I stopped.
The Performance
I thought:
"If I'm good enough, they'll see my worth."
So I:
Tried harder:
- Did more
- Gave more
- Sacrificed more
- Accommodated more
Hoping:
Eventually:
They'd see it.
With My Ex
He treated me like an option.
I thought:
"If I'm patient enough, understanding enough, loving enough—he'll realize what he has."
So I:
- Accepted breadcrumbs
- Made excuses
- Waited
- Proved my loyalty
- Showed him what a good partner I was
Hoping:
He'd finally see:
I was worth committing to.
He never did.
Because:
He knew my worth.
He just didn't value it.
With My Family
They dismissed me constantly.
I thought:
"If I achieve enough, they'll be proud. They'll see my value."
So I:
- Got the degrees
- Got the job
- Got the promotions
- Made them look good
Hoping:
They'd finally see:
I was worth respecting.
They never did.
Because:
My worth threatened theirs.
With My "Friends"
They only called when they needed something.
I thought:
"If I'm there enough, helpful enough, loyal enough—they'll appreciate me."
So I:
- Showed up every time
- Helped with everything
- Never said no
- Always available
Hoping:
They'd finally see:
I was worth reciprocating.
They never did.
Because:
They liked me useful.
Not equal.
The Pattern I Couldn't See
I was auditioning.
For roles:
I'd already earned.
By existing.
But I thought:
Worth was something:
I had to prove.
And once proven:
They'd treat me accordingly.
Wrong.
The Breaking Point
After my ex:
Canceled plans for the third time:
With no apology:
I sat there.
Thinking:
"What else do I need to do to be worth his time?"
And I heard myself.
Finally.
"What else do I need to DO?"
Like my worth:
Was conditional.
On performance.
And I realized:
If I have to prove my worth:
To someone:
They don't value me.
They value:
What I do for them.
The Moment Everything Changed
I asked myself:
"If they already valued me, how would I act?"
I wouldn't:
- Chase
- Prove
- Perform
- Beg
- Explain
I'd just:
Be.
And if they didn't:
Value that:
I'd leave.
So I did.
What I Stopped Doing
1. Stopped Explaining My Value
To people who:
Acted like I had none.
Old me:
"But I'm loyal! I'm there for you! I'm..."
New me:
If you don't see it, I'm not explaining it.
2. Stopped Auditioning
For love.
For approval.
For basic respect.
I'm not:
Proving my worth.
I'm stating it.
3. Stopped Waiting
For them:
To realize what they had.
If they can't see it:
While I'm here:
They won't see it:
When I'm gone.
And that's:
Their loss.
Not mine.
4. Stopped Accepting Crumbs
And calling it:
Being loved.
Crumbs are:
What you give:
Someone you tolerate.
Not:
Someone you value.
5. Stopped Making Myself Small
So they'd feel:
Big enough:
To choose me.
New rule:
I don't shrink:
For anyone.
What I Started Doing
1. Valued Myself
Decided:
My worth:
Is inherent.
Not:
Performance-based.
2. Set Standards
People either:
Meet them:
Or don't get access to me.
No negotiating.
3. Left Spaces That Didn't Value Me
Job:
That undervalued me:
Quit.
Relationship:
That treated me like an option:
Left.
Friends:
Who only took:
Distance.
4. Stopped Chasing
Anyone.
If they want me:
They'll show it.
If not:
Bye.
5. Attracted Different People
Who:
Saw my worth:
Without a performance.
The Difference
Before:
Them: treats me poorly
Me: "What do I need to do to be treated better?"
After:
Them: treats me poorly
Me: leaves
Simple.
One Year Later
I'm with someone:
Who saw my worth:
Day one.
Didn't make me:
- Prove it
- Earn it
- Audition for it
Just:
Valued me.
From the start.
That's how I know:
He's different.
The Truth
People who value you:
Show it.
People who don't:
Make you prove it.
And you can perform:
Forever.
They still won't:
Value you.
Because:
They don't want to.
What I Wish I'd Known
Your worth:
Doesn't increase:
Based on their recognition.
It exists:
Whether they see it or not.
Stop performing:
For an audience:
That refuses to applaud.
Walk off stage.
Find people who:
Value the real you.
Not the performance.
If You're Still Performing
Stop.
Ask:
"Would I have to prove my worth if they already valued me?"
No.
So stop proving.
Start leaving.
The right people:
Won't make you audition.
They'll just:
See you.
And value what they see.
Immediately.
That's how you know:
They're your people.
About 4Angles: If you're constantly proving your worth to someone, they don't value you. Stop performing. Find people who see you without the audition.
Last updated: October 31, 2025