I made myself small for everyone.
Dimmed my light.
Hid my success.
Downplayed my achievements.
Shrunk my dreams.
Because:
When I was big:
People got uncomfortable.
So I stayed small.
To keep the peace.
How I Learned to Be Small
Age 8
Got the lead in the school play.
Mom: "Don't brag about it. People will think you're full of yourself."
I learned:
Success makes people uncomfortable.
Age 15
Got straight A's.
Excited. Proud.
Friend: "Ugh, you're such a try-hard."
I learned:
Excellence threatens people.
Age 22
Got my dream job.
Family: "Must be nice."
Tone dripping with resentment.
I learned:
My wins make others feel like losers.
Age 28
Got promoted.
Coworker: "Wow, you're really ambitious, huh?"
Not a compliment.
I learned:
Ambition is something to apologize for.
How I Stayed Small
I learned to:
Downplay
Them: "How's the new job?"
Me: "It's fine. Nothing special."
It was amazing.
Deflect
Them: "You look great!"
Me: "Oh, this old thing? I've had it forever."
I felt beautiful.
Hide
Achievements:
Didn't post them.
Didn't share them.
Didn't celebrate them.
Because:
Someone might feel bad.
Apologize
For:
- Success
- Happiness
- Growth
- Wanting more
- Being visible
"Sorry for..."
Existing loudly.
Shrink
My:
- Dreams
- Goals
- Ambitions
- Voice
- Presence
To make room:
For everyone else's comfort.
The Moment I Realized
I got a huge work win.
The kind I'd dreamed about for years.
First instinct:
Don't tell anyone.
Because:
What if they feel bad about themselves?
What if they think I'm bragging?
What if they get jealous?
What if they pull away?
I was about to:
Hide my biggest achievement.
Then I stopped.
And asked:
"Who am I protecting by staying small?"
Them.
"Who am I hurting by staying small?"
Me.
The Cost of Staying Small
1. I Didn't Know Myself
I'd spent so long:
Being what others needed:
That I didn't know:
What I wanted.
Who I was.
What I was capable of.
2. I Resented Everyone
I blamed them:
For my smallness.
Even though:
I chose it.
But:
Choosing under pressure:
Doesn't feel like a choice.
3. I Attracted Small-Minded People
People who loved me small:
Didn't love me.
They loved:
Not feeling threatened.
And when I grew:
They left.
4. I Never Reached My Potential
How could I:
When I was constantly:
Holding myself back?
5. I Was Exhausted
Performing smallness:
Is exhausting.
Constantly:
- Monitoring
- Adjusting
- Dimming
- Hiding
To manage:
Other people's insecurities.
6. I Modeled Smallness
For:
My younger sister.
My nieces.
Other women.
Showing them:
"Success is something to hide."
"Being big makes people uncomfortable."
"Stay small to be liked."
What a terrible lesson.
When I Started Taking Up Space
I shared my win.
On social media.
Publicly.
No apology.
No downplaying.
Just:
"I'm proud of this. It took years. I'm celebrating."
And I waited:
For the backlash.
What Actually Happened
Some People Were Uncomfortable
Comments like:
- "Must be nice."
- "Not all of us can..."
- No comment at all
The people who needed me small:
Were threatened.
Some People Disappeared
Friends who:
Needed me to stay where they were:
Pulled away when I grew.
Because:
My growth:
Reminded them of their stagnation.
Some People Celebrated Me
The people who loved me:
Not my smallness:
Were thrilled.
"I'm so proud of you!"
"You deserve this!"
"Tell me everything!"
They weren't threatened.
Because they were secure.
New People Appeared
By being big:
I attracted:
People who:
- Weren't intimidated
- Celebrated success
- Were growing too
- Wanted me full-sized
Better people.
The Permission I Gave Myself
I gave myself permission:
To Be Proud
Of:
- My achievements
- My growth
- My success
- My wins
Without apology.
To Outgrow People
It's okay if:
They can't come with me.
I can:
- Love them
- Outgrow them
- Move forward
All at once.
To Make People Uncomfortable
Their discomfort:
Is not my responsibility.
If my success:
Makes them feel less than:
That's their wound.
Not my problem to manage.
To Stop Shrinking
I don't have to:
- Dim my light
- Downplay my wins
- Hide my ambition
- Make myself small
To make others:
Feel big.
What Changed
I Started Celebrating Publicly
Wins. Progress. Growth.
Out loud.
I Stopped Apologizing
For:
- Success
- Ambition
- Visibility
- Taking up space
I Let Uncomfortable People Leave
Didn't chase them.
Didn't convince them.
Just:
Let them go.
I Attracted Different People
Who:
- Celebrated me
- Weren't threatened
- Wanted me to win
- Were growing too
I Reached Higher
Because:
I wasn't holding myself back:
For anyone else's comfort.
One Year Later
I'm bigger than I've ever been.
Not physically.
But:
In:
- Ambition
- Presence
- Voice
- Dreams
- Impact
And:
Some people left.
The ones who needed me small.
Better people arrived.
The ones who love me full-sized.
I'm less liked.
By people whose opinion doesn't matter.
I'm more respected.
By people whose opinion does.
The Truth About Staying Small
It doesn't:
- Keep people
- Make you likable
- Create real relationships
- Serve you
It only:
- Protects others' egos
- Limits your potential
- Breeds resentment
- Keeps you stuck
If You're Staying Small
Ask yourself:
"Who am I protecting by staying small?"
If the answer is:
Everyone but me.
It's time to grow.
"What would I do if I wasn't worried about making others uncomfortable?"
Do that.
"Am I dimming my light or shining it?"
Shine it.
The Permission You Need
You have permission:
To be big.
To be loud.
To be successful.
To be ambitious.
To be visible.
To be proud.
Even if it makes people uncomfortable.
Their comfort:
Is not more important:
Than your growth.
Stay small for no one.
About 4Angles: You're not responsible for managing other people's insecurity. Shine. The right people won't be threatened.
Last updated: October 31, 2025