He'd text.
Not every day.
Not consistently.
But just enough:
To keep me hoping.
I called it:
"Taking it slow."
My friend called it:
"Breadcrumbing."
The Breadcrumbs
The Late-Night Text
11pm:
"Thinking of you."
My heart:
Yes! He's thinking of me!
Reality:
He's bored and wants attention.
The Vague Plans
Him: "We should hang out soon."
Me: "Yeah! When?"
Him: "I'll let you know."
Never does.
But the "soon":
Kept me waiting.
The Like, No Reply
I'd text:
"How's your week going?"
Him:
Likes the message.
Doesn't respond.
Me:
At least he saw it and acknowledged it.
Reality:
Minimum effort to keep me on the hook.
The Occasional Compliment
Once every two weeks:
"You looked great in that photo."
My brain:
He's still interested!
Reality:
Just enough to keep me from moving on.
The "Miss You" Without Action
"I miss you."
Me: "Want to make plans?"
Him: "Yeah, soon. Work is crazy right now."
Two weeks of silence.
Then:
"Miss you."
Again.
No plans.
No effort.
Just:
Breadcrumbs.
What I Thought Was Happening
He's:
Busy.
Taking it slow.
Being cautious.
Not a texter.
Interested but overwhelmed.
I made excuses:
For why:
He gave me:
Crumbs:
Instead of:
A full meal.
What Was Actually Happening
He was:
Keeping me interested:
With minimal effort.
Just enough:
To prevent me:
From losing interest.
But not enough:
To actually:
Commit.
Breadcrumbs.
The Pattern
Silence:
For days.
Then:
Small text.
"Hey."
Or:
"How are you?"
Just before:
I'd give up.
Resetting:
My hope.
Keeping me:
Hooked.
The Moment I Saw It
I told my friend:
"He texted me! He said he's been thinking about me."
Her: "Did he ask you out?"
Me: "No, but—"
Her: "Did he make plans?"
Me: "No, but—"
Her: "Did he do anything besides send a text?"
Me: "...No."
Her: "That's breadcrumbing. He's giving you just enough to keep you around, but not enough to actually commit."
I got angry.
At her.
Then:
At him.
Then:
At myself.
For accepting crumbs:
And calling it:
A connection.
What Breadcrumbing Looks Like
They text, but don't make plans
Words:
No action.
They're inconsistent
Attentive one day.
Ghost the next.
They give vague future promises
"We should..." "Soon..." "Maybe..."
Never:
"Friday at 7?"
They engage just enough
To keep you interested.
But never enough:
To move forward.
They resurface right when you're moving on
You start to lose interest.
Suddenly:
"Hey stranger!"
Pulling you back in.
Why I Accepted Breadcrumbs
I Was Starving for Attention
Any attention:
Felt like:
A lot.
I Didn't Think I Deserved More
Crumbs:
Were better than:
Nothing.
I Convinced Myself It Would Lead to More
"He's just busy."
"He's taking it slow."
"He'll come around."
He never did.
I Was Afraid to Lose the Possibility
Of what:
We could be.
Even though:
We weren't:
Anything.
What Changed
I started asking:
"What am I actually getting?"
The answer:
- A text every few days
- Vague "we should hang out"
- Occasional compliment
- No dates
- No consistency
- No commitment
Breadcrumbs.
The Conversation I Finally Had
Him: "Hey, been thinking about you."
Me: "Do you want to make plans, or are you just saying that?"
Him: "Wow, that's aggressive."
Me: "It's direct. You've said that before and never followed through."
Him: "I've been busy."
Me: "Too busy to make one plan in three months?"
Him: "I don't like feeling pressured."
Me: "And I don't like being breadcrumbed. I think we want different things."
Him: "I didn't realize you felt this way."
Me: "I've been clear. You've been vague. That's the problem."
Blocked.
The Person Who Showed Me the Difference
Met someone new.
Wednesday:
Him: "I'd love to take you to dinner. Are you free Saturday?"
ACTUAL PLANS.
Saturday:
He showed up.
No breadcrumbs.
Just:
A full meal.
The Difference
Breadcrumbs:
- Texts but doesn't plan
- Vague about the future
- Inconsistent
- Low effort
- Words, no action
- Keeps you waiting
Real Interest:
- Makes plans
- Clear about intentions
- Consistent
- Puts in effort
- Actions match words
- Shows up
If You're Getting Breadcrumbs
Ask yourself:
Are they:
Making plans?
Or just texting vague "we should" statements?
Following through?
Or constantly "too busy"?
Being consistent?
Or disappearing and reappearing randomly?
Showing up?
Or just liking your posts?
If it's all words:
No action:
You're being breadcrumbed.
And you deserve:
More than crumbs.
What I Do Now
When someone breadcrumbs:
I don't engage.
They text:
"We should hang out."
Old me:
"Yes! When?"
New me:
"Let me know when you actually want to make plans."
Then I move on.
Because:
I don't accept:
Crumbs:
Anymore.
I want:
The full meal.
Or nothing.
About 4Angles: Breadcrumbing is giving just enough attention to keep you interested, but never enough to commit. Stop accepting crumbs and calling it a connection.
Last updated: November 2, 2025