I asked for basic respect.
He said:
"You're so high-maintenance."
I asked for communication.
He said:
"You're too needy."
I asked for consistency.
He said:
"You have unrealistic expectations."
I started to believe:
Maybe I was:
Too much.
The "Standards" They Called Crazy
1. Wanting Communication
Me: "Can you let me know if you're going to be late?"
Him: "I don't need to check in with you. You're not my mom."
Translation:
"Basic courtesy is too much to ask."
2. Asking for Consistency
Me: "You say you'll call, then you don't. Can you just do what you say?"
Him: "You're being controlling. I'm allowed to change my mind."
Translation:
"Keeping my word is unreasonable."
3. Expecting Follow-Through
Me: "You've canceled our plans three times. I'd appreciate if you prioritized our time."
Him: "Life happens. You're being inflexible."
Translation:
"Your time doesn't matter."
4. Wanting Honesty
Me: "I saw you were out when you said you were home. Why did you lie?"
Him: "I didn't want to deal with you interrogating me. This is why I can't tell you anything."
Translation:
"Honesty is too demanding."
5. Needing Respect
Me: "Please don't speak to me like that."
Him: "You're too sensitive. Learn to take a joke."
Translation:
"You should accept disrespect."
How They Made Me Doubt Myself
Every time:
I expressed a need:
They responded with:
"You're too much."
"You're being dramatic."
"No one else would put up with this."
"You have issues."
"You need therapy."
Until I thought:
"Maybe I am too much."
"Maybe my standards are too high."
"Maybe I should lower my expectations."
The Turning Point
Friend: "What did you ask for?"
Me: "I asked him to text me if he was going to be more than an hour late."
Her: "That's... completely reasonable."
Me: "He said I was being controlling."
Her: "He's gaslighting you. That's basic respect."
I cried.
Because:
I'd started to believe:
I was the problem.
What I Realized
My "unrealistic expectations":
Were:
- Communication
- Honesty
- Respect
- Follow-through
- Basic courtesy
Not:
- Texting every hour
- Constant attention
- Mind-reading
- Perfection
- Control
I wasn't asking:
For too much.
I was asking:
Someone who gave:
Too little.
The Pattern
People who:
Can't meet:
Basic standards:
Will convince you:
The standards:
Are the problem.
Not:
Their inability:
To meet them.
The Language They Use
"You're too needy"
Translation:
"Your needs are inconvenient to me."
"You're high-maintenance"
Translation:
"I don't want to put in effort."
"You have trust issues"
Translation:
"Stop calling out my shady behavior."
"You're too sensitive"
Translation:
"I don't want to be accountable for hurting you."
"No one else complains about this"
Translation:
"I've successfully convinced others to accept less."
"You're being controlling"
Translation:
"You have boundaries and I don't like it."
What Happened When I Stopped Lowering My Standards
I met someone new.
I was nervous:
To ask:
For what I needed.
Me: "If you're going to be late, can you let me know?"
Him: "Of course. That's just basic respect."
I almost cried.
Because:
He didn't:
- Call me needy
- Say I was controlling
- Make me feel crazy
He just:
Said yes.
Like it was:
Normal.
Because it was.
The Difference
Person Who Makes You Feel Crazy:
You: "I need communication."
Them: "You're too demanding."
Person Who Respects You:
You: "I need communication."
Them: "Absolutely. How can I do better?"
One makes you:
Question yourself.
The other makes you:
Feel heard.
What I'd Tell Past Me
Your standards:
Aren't too high.
You're just:
Asking the wrong person.
Someone who:
Respects you:
Won't make you feel:
Crazy:
For having:
Basic needs.
They'll:
Meet them.
Or communicate:
Why they can't:
And work toward:
A solution.
Not:
Make you feel:
Like you're:
The problem.
The Standards I'll Never Lower Again
I want:
- Honesty
- Communication
- Respect
- Consistency
- Follow-through
- Kindness
These are:
Not negotiable.
And if someone:
Calls them:
- Too much
- High-maintenance
- Unrealistic
- Controlling
- Needy
I know:
They're not:
My person.
If They Make You Feel Crazy
For wanting:
- Basic communication
- Honesty
- Respect
- Consistency
You're not crazy.
They're just:
Unwilling:
To meet:
Basic standards.
And they're:
Convincing you:
The standards are the problem.
So you'll:
Lower them.
Don't.
Find someone:
Who rises to them.
Instead.
About 4Angles: If someone makes you feel crazy for wanting basic respect, communication, and honesty—your standards aren't the problem. Their inability to meet them is.
Last updated: November 2, 2025