I was always available.
For:
- Venting
- Crisis management
- Emotional support
- Problem-solving
- Late-night calls
Everyone's:
Go-to person.
Their:
Free therapist.
Until:
I wasn't.
What Being Everyone's Therapist Looked Like
The 2am Texts
"Are you up? I need to talk."
Every time:
I'd answer.
And listen:
For hours.
The Repeat Venting
Same problem.
Every week.
They'd:
Vent.
I'd:
Give advice.
They'd:
Ignore it:
And vent about:
The same thing:
Next week.
The Emotional Dumping
Without asking:
"Can I vent?"
Just:
Launching into:
Their entire life story.
Assuming:
I had the capacity.
I never did.
The One-Sided Conversations
Them:
Talking for an hour.
Me:
Listening.
Then:
"Thanks, I feel better! Gotta go!"
Never:
"How are YOU?"
The Lack of Reciprocity
When I had a crisis:
They were:
- Busy
- "Not good with that stuff"
- Uncomfortable
- Unavailable
But when THEY had a crisis:
I better:
Drop everything.
Why I Did It
I Thought It Made Me a Good Friend
Being there:
For everyone.
Always.
I Thought They Needed Me
And if I wasn't there:
What would happen to them?
I Didn't Know How to Say No
Without feeling:
Guilty.
Selfish.
Like a bad person.
I Got Validation From Being Needed
If people:
Needed me:
That meant:
I mattered.
Right?
When It Became Too Much
I was:
Burned out.
Resentful.
Exhausted.
Carrying:
Everyone's problems.
Plus my own.
I had:
No capacity left.
For myself.
The Breaking Point
I was going through:
The hardest time:
Of my life.
Mom's health.
Job stress.
Breakup.
Everything:
At once.
Friend texted:
"I need to vent about my coworker. Can you call?"
I said:
"I'm actually going through something right now. Can we talk later?"
She said:
"Oh. Okay. Let me know when you're free."
Never asked:
What I was going through.
Just:
Needed me:
To be available:
For her.
I realized:
I wasn't a friend.
I was:
A service.
How I Stopped
1. I Started Asking: "Do You Have Capacity?"
Before venting.
Instead of:
Assuming:
I was always available.
Friend: "Can I vent?"
Me: "I don't have capacity right now. Can we talk tomorrow?"
Her: "Oh. Sure."
Setting the boundary:
Felt scary.
But necessary.
2. I Set Time Limits
Instead of:
Hour-long calls:
Me: "I have 15 minutes. What's up?"
Protecting:
My time.
My energy.
3. I Stopped Offering Solutions
They didn't want solutions.
They wanted:
Endless validation.
I started saying:
"That sounds really hard. Have you thought about talking to a therapist about this?"
Instead of:
Becoming their therapist.
4. I Called Out the One-Sidedness
Friend:
Vented for an hour.
Me: "I've noticed our conversations are always about you. I'd like to feel like you're interested in my life too."
Her: "Oh. I didn't realize."
Then:
Continued doing it.
I distanced myself.
5. I Let People Be Upset
When I set boundaries:
Some people:
Got mad.
"You're being selfish."
"I thought I could count on you."
"You've changed."
Translation:
"I don't like that you're not available 24/7 anymore."
I let them be upset.
And held the boundary.
6. I Started Asking for Reciprocity
Me: "I've been supporting you through this. I need support too. Can I talk about what I'm going through?"
Some friends:
Showed up.
Most:
Made excuses.
That told me:
Everything.
The People I Lost
When I stopped:
Being their therapist:
They stopped:
Being my friend.
Because:
The friendship was based on:
What I gave them.
Not:
Actual connection.
The People Who Stayed
Respected my boundaries.
Asked if I had capacity.
Reciprocated support.
Cared about my life:
Not just theirs.
Those:
Were real friendships.
What I Do Now
I Don't Answer Crisis Texts at 2am
Unless:
It's an actual emergency.
Your breakup:
Can wait until morning.
I Suggest Therapy
When someone:
Uses me:
As their only support.
"It sounds like you need professional support for this. Have you considered therapy?"
Not my job:
To be their therapist.
I Protect My Energy
I can't pour:
From an empty cup.
So I:
Fill mine first.
I Ask: "Do You Want Advice or Just to Vent?"
Before diving in.
If they say:
"Just vent."
I set a time limit.
I'm not:
An endless dumping ground.
The Questions to Ask
If you're everyone's therapist:
Do they ask if you have capacity?
Or assume you're always available?
Do they reciprocate support?
Or is it always one-sided?
Do they take your advice?
Or vent about the same thing weekly?
Do they care about YOUR life?
Or is it always about them?
Do they respect your boundaries?
Or guilt you for having them?
If the answer is no:
You're not their friend.
You're their:
Emotional dumping ground.
What Changed
When I stopped:
Being everyone's therapist:
I had:
- Energy for myself
- Capacity for my own healing
- Time for my own life
- Space to breathe
And:
Real friends:
Who supported me:
The way I'd supported them.
If You're Everyone's Free Therapist
Stop.
You're allowed to:
- Have boundaries
- Protect your energy
- Say no
- Ask for reciprocity
- Suggest professional help
You're not selfish.
You're human.
With limited capacity.
And it's not your job:
To fix everyone.
Take care of yourself:
First.
About 4Angles: Being everyone's free therapist will drain you. Set boundaries, ask for reciprocity, and protect your energy—real friends will understand.
Last updated: November 2, 2025