Two Years With Them Destroyed My Self-Worth—Here's How I Built It Back From Nothing

I didn't recognize myself.

After two years:

With someone who:

Slowly convinced me:

I was:

Too much.

Not enough.

Broken.

Damaged.

Unlovable.

I believed them.

Then I left.

And had to figure out:

Who I was:

Underneath all that.

What They Did to My Self-Worth

They Criticized Everything

Subtly:

At first.

"Are you sure you want to wear that?"

"You're being a bit loud."

"That's not really funny."

Then:

Less subtly.

"You're embarrassing."

"Why are you like this?"

"No one else thinks that's interesting."

Until:

I second-guessed:

Everything:

• What I wore
• What I said
• How I laughed
• What I liked
• Who I was

They Compared Me

To exes.

To strangers.

To their ideal.

"She would never..."

"My ex was better at..."

"Why can't you be more like..."

Until:

I felt:

Constantly lacking.

They Made Me Responsible for Their Happiness

"You make me so unhappy."

"I'm only upset because of you."

"If you were different, I'd be happier."

I became:

Responsible:

For their emotions.

And felt:

Like a failure:

When they weren't happy.

They Isolated Me

From friends:

"They don't really like you."

From family:

"They're toxic."

From myself:

"You're not who you think you are."

Until:

The only mirror:

I had:

Was them.

And they showed me:

Someone unworthy.

Who I Became

Small.

Quiet.

Apologetic.

For existing.

Constantly trying:

To be:

Less annoying.

More acceptable.

Different.

Better.

Never succeeding.

When I Finally Left

I thought:

I'd feel free.

Instead:

I felt:

Lost.

Because:

I didn't know:

Who I was:

Without them:

Telling me.

How I Rebuilt

Step 1: I Stopped Listening to Their Voice

In my head.

Every time:

I'd think:

"I'm too much."

I'd ask:

"Is that MY voice? Or theirs?"

Always:

Theirs.

I started:

Rejecting:

Those thoughts.

Out loud:

"That's not true. That's what THEY said. Not what I am."

Step 2: I Reconnected With People Who Knew Me Before

Friends:

I'd drifted from.

They said:

"You're not yourself."

I said:

"I don't know who that is anymore."

They said:

"We do. And we'll help you remember."

They did.

By:

• Reminding me of who I was
• Laughing at my jokes (I'd forgotten I was funny)
• Letting me be loud (I'd learned to be quiet)
• Loving the things they criticized

Step 3: I Made a List

Of things:

I liked about myself:

Before them.

It was:

Hard.

I could only:

Think of three things.

But:

I started there.

Every day:

I'd add one more.

By month three:

I had fifty.

Step 4: I Did Things They Hated

Not to spite them.

But to reclaim:

Myself.

They hated:

When I:

• Sang in the car
• Talked to strangers
• Dressed colorfully
• Took up space

So I:

• Sang loudly
• Made new friends
• Wore bright colors
• Stopped apologizing for existing

Slowly:

I felt:

Like me:

Again.

Step 5: I Went to Therapy

And said:

"I don't know who I am anymore."

Therapist:

"Who do you WANT to be?"

Me:

"I don't know if I'm allowed to want that."

Her:

"Why wouldn't you be?"

Me:

"Because they said I was wrong for being that way."

Her:

"They're not here anymore. You get to decide."

That:

Changed everything.

Step 6: I Stopped Performing

I'd spent:

Two years:

Performing:

The version of me:

They'd accept.

After:

I stopped.

I just:

Existed.

As I was.

Messy.

Loud.

Emotional.

Imperfect.

And I let:

People:

See that.

Step 7: I Celebrated Small Wins

Wearing something they'd criticize?

Win.

Sharing an opinion they'd dismiss?

Win.

Laughing loudly in public?

Win.

Every small act:

Of being myself:

Was a victory.

Step 8: I Stopped Apologizing

For:

• Taking up space
• Having needs
• Being "too much"
• Existing loudly

I'd apologized:

For years.

For just:

Being me.

I stopped.

The Moment I Knew I'd Rebuilt

One year later.

Friend:

"You seem different."

Me:

"How?"

Her:

"Lighter. Like yourself again."

Me:

"I am."

And I was.

What I Learned

Your Self-Worth Can Be Rebuilt

Brick by brick.

Slowly.

It's not:

Fast.

But it's:

Possible.

You Are Not What They Said You Were

Their words:

Were about:

Their need for control.

Not:

Your actual worth.

The Right People Will Love the Real You

Not:

The small version:

You made yourself.

But:

The full version:

You actually are.

Healing Isn't Linear

Some days:

I felt strong.

Some days:

I believed:

Everything:

They'd said.

Both are part:

Of rebuilding.

If They Destroyed Your Self-Worth

Know This:

You're not broken.

You were:

Broken down.

By someone who:

Needed you small.

You can:

Rebuild.

Start Here:

1. Reject their voice in your head That's not you. That's them.

2. Reconnect with people who knew you before They remember who you are.

3. List what you like about yourself Start with one. Add daily.

4. Do things they hated Reclaim yourself.

5. Get professional help Therapy saves lives.

6. Stop performing Just exist. As you are.

7. Celebrate small wins Every act of authenticity counts.

8. Stop apologizing for existing You're allowed to take up space.

One Year Later

They reached out:

"I miss you."

Old me:

Would've gone back.

New me:

"I don't miss who I was with you."

Blocked.

Because:

I'd rebuilt:

My self-worth.

And I wasn't:

Letting anyone:

Destroy it:

Again.

About 4Angles: They can destroy your self-worth, but you can rebuild it. Brick by brick, you reclaim who you are—underneath everything they said you weren't.

Last updated: November 2, 2025