I knew six months before I left.
Knew:
This was over.
This wasn't fixable.
I needed to go.
But I stayed.
Because knowing and doing:
Are different things.
The Signs I Couldn't Ignore Anymore
I Stopped Sharing Good News
Got a promotion.
First thought:
"I'll tell my friends."
Not him.
Because:
When I shared good news:
He:
- Minimized it
- Made it about him
- Found the negative
- Changed the subject
So I stopped sharing.
And when you stop sharing your joy with your partner:
The relationship is over.
I Stopped Trying to Be Heard
We'd fight.
I'd explain how I felt.
He'd dismiss it.
I'd try again.
He'd gaslight.
Eventually:
I stopped trying.
Not because he heard me.
But because:
I gave up.
When you stop fighting to be heard:
You've already left.
I Didn't Care If He Was Upset
He'd be mad about something.
Old me:
Panic. Fix it. Soothe him.
New me:
Oh well.
When their mood:
Stops being your problem:
You're emotionally done.
I Started Planning a Future Without Him
Daydreaming:
About:
- Where I'd live alone
- What I'd do
- How free I'd feel
Not:
About us.
When your fantasies:
Don't include them:
You're already gone.
Physical Touch Felt Like a Chore
He'd try to hold my hand.
Kiss me.
Initiate sex.
I'd:
Tolerate it.
Not enjoy it.
Not want it.
Just:
Endure it.
When touch feels like obligation:
The relationship is dead.
I Stopped Being Jealous
He'd mention another woman.
Old me:
Jealous. Insecure. Worried.
New me:
Maybe he should be with her.
When you're not jealous:
It's not because you trust them.
It's because:
You don't care anymore.
I Started Saying "I" Instead of "We"
Friend: "Want to go on vacation this summer?"
Me: "I'm thinking about Europe."
Not:
"We're thinking..."
I'd stopped:
Including him in my future.
I Was Happier When He Wasn't Around
He'd leave for the weekend.
And I'd feel:
Relief.
Not lonely.
Not missing him.
Just:
Free.
When their absence:
Feels like peace:
The relationship is over.
I Stopped Defending Him
Friend: "He treats you like shit."
Old me:
Defensive. "You don't understand him."
New me:
"Yeah. He does."
When you stop defending them:
You've started seeing clearly.
I Couldn't Remember Why I Loved Him
Someone asked: "What do you love about him?"
I couldn't answer.
Not because I was put on the spot.
But because:
I didn't know anymore.
The love:
Had died so slowly:
I didn't notice:
Until it was gone.
The Day I Knew for Certain
We were in the car.
Arguing about something small.
And mid-sentence:
I thought:
"I don't want to do this anymore."
Not:
This argument.
But:
This relationship.
This dynamic.
This life.
And I felt:
Calm.
Not scared.
Not panicked.
Just:
Certain.
The relationship had ended.
In my heart.
Six months before:
I actually left.
Why I Stayed
Knowing was scary.
Because knowing meant:
I had to do something about it.
So I:
- Ignored the knowing
- Made excuses
- Hoped it would change
- Waited for "the right time"
- Stayed because leaving was harder
I stayed:
In a dead relationship.
Because:
It was familiar.
The Shift
Once I admitted it was over:
Everything changed.
I stopped:
- Trying to fix it
- Fighting for connection
- Hoping he'd change
- Investing energy
I started:
- Planning my exit
- Saving money
- Looking at apartments
- Preparing to leave
I was still physically there.
But emotionally:
I'd already left.
The Moment I Finally Left
Nothing dramatic happened.
No big fight.
No final betrayal.
Just:
Woke up one day.
And knew:
"Today's the day."
I told him.
He was shocked.
Him: "Where is this coming from?"
Me: "I've known for months."
Him: "Months?! Why didn't you say anything?"
Me: "I did. You didn't listen."
And I left.
Six Months Later
He texted:
"I miss you. Can we try again?"
And I realized:
I didn't miss him.
At all.
Not even a little.
Because:
I'd been grieving the relationship:
For six months.
While still in it.
By the time I left:
I was already healed.
The Signs the Relationship Is Over
You:
- Stop sharing good news with them
- Stop fighting to be heard
- Don't care if they're upset
- Plan a future without them
- Feel relief when they're gone
- Stop defending them
- Can't remember why you love them
- Say "I" instead of "we"
- Physical touch feels like a chore
- Aren't jealous anymore
Not all of these.
But several.
If yes:
The relationship is over.
You just haven't left yet.
The Hard Truth
You'll know:
Before you leave.
Sometimes:
Months before.
Years before.
And that's okay.
Knowing doesn't mean:
You have to leave immediately.
It just means:
You're starting to see clearly.
And eventually:
The knowing becomes:
The doing.
If You're In That Space
Of knowing but not leaving:
It's okay.
Take your time.
Plan.
Prepare.
But also:
Don't stay forever.
Because:
You already know what you need to do.
You're just:
Gathering courage.
And when you're ready:
You'll go.
About 4Angles: You'll know the relationship is over long before you leave. And that's okay. Take your time, but don't ignore the knowing.
Last updated: October 31, 2025