Sunday nights.
That's when I knew.
The dread would start around 4 PM.
Physical symptoms:
- Nausea
- Tight chest
- Can't eat dinner
- Can't sleep
- Anxiety spiraling
Not because Monday was hard.
Because Monday meant going back.
The Signs I Ignored For Two Years
Sign 1: I Cried in the Parking Lot
Before going in:
Sat in my car.
Deep breaths.
Gave myself a pep talk.
"You can do this. It's just a job. You need the money."
Sometimes cried.
Always thought: "This is normal. Everyone hates their job."
Sign 2: I Was Unrecognizable
My partner:
"You're different. You used to be so happy."
My friends:
"You never want to hang out anymore."
My therapist:
"Every session for six months has been about work. That's not normal."
Me:
"I'm just stressed. It'll get better."
It didn't.
Sign 3: My Health Was Failing
New medical issues:
- Insomnia
- Digestive problems
- Headaches
- High blood pressure
- Panic attacks
Doctor: "Are you under stress?"
Me: "Just work."
Doctor: "That's significant stress."
I ignored it.
Sign 4: I'd Lost Myself
Things I used to love:
- Reading
- Hiking
- Seeing friends
- Cooking
- Hobbies
Now:
I came home and:
- Stared at the TV
- Doom scrolled
- Went to bed early to escape
- Existed
No energy.
No joy.
No me.
Sign 5: I Was Fantasizing About Escape
Not "I should look for another job."
But:
"What if I got in a minor car accident? Not hurt, but enough to be out for a few weeks."
"What if I got sick? Nothing serious, just enough to not go in."
"What if there was a family emergency?"
I was hoping for disaster:
Just to have a break.
What Made It Toxic (Not Just Hard)
Hard jobs:
- Challenge you
- Push you to grow
- Have difficult moments
- Are stressful sometimes
Toxic jobs:
1. Constant Criticism, Never Praise
My boss:
When I made a mistake: Public humiliation. Lecture. Written warning.
When I did well: Silence. Or "That's your job."
I could never:
- Do enough
- Be enough
- Meet expectations
- Win
2. Moving Goalposts
Boss: "If you hit this target, you'll get a raise."
I hit the target.
Boss: "Actually, we need you to hit this higher target."
I hit that target.
Boss: "We're not doing raises this year."
Nothing I achieved mattered.
The game was rigged.
3. No Boundaries
Expected to:
- Answer emails at 10 PM
- Work weekends
- Skip lunch
- Stay late
- Be available 24/7
If I didn't:
"Guess you're not committed to the team."
4. Gaslighting
Boss: "We discussed this in the meeting."
We didn't.
Boss: "You said you'd have this done today."
I said next week.
Boss: "I never said that."
Yes, you did. In writing.
Constantly questioning:
My memory. My sanity. My competence.
5. Scapegoating
When things went wrong:
Always my fault.
Even when:
- I wasn't involved
- Someone else made the decision
- Boss caused the problem
I was the blame sink.
6. High Turnover
In two years:
Our team of eight:
Turned over completely. Twice.
Everyone left.
I stayed.
Thinking: "Maybe I'm the problem."
The Breaking Point
It was a Tuesday.
Boss called me into his office:
"We're disappointed in your performance."
Me: confused "What do you mean? I just closed the biggest deal we've had all quarter."
Boss: "Your attitude needs work."
Me: "My... attitude?"
Boss: "You're not a team player. You question things too much. You need to just do what you're told."
Translation:
"You're not compliant enough."
That night:
I went home.
Sat on the floor.
And realized:
I'd become:
- Anxious
- Depressed
- Sick
- Small
- Someone I didn't recognize
For a job that:
- Didn't value me
- Paid me barely enough
- Destroyed my health
- Made me hate my life
And I thought:
"I'd rather be broke than broken."
How I Finally Left
I didn't have another job lined up.
I didn't have a plan.
I just had a limit.
The next morning:
I went in.
Typed my resignation letter.
Two weeks notice.
Boss: "You're making a mistake. You'll never find anything better."
Me: "Anything is better than this."
Those two weeks:
They tried:
- Guilt tripping: "How could you abandon the team?"
- Bargaining: "What if we gave you a small raise?"
- Threatening: "Good luck finding another job in this field."
- Gaslighting: "It wasn't that bad."
I held firm.
Last day:
I walked out.
Cried in my car.
Not from sadness.
From relief.
What Happened After
Month 1:
Slept for two weeks straight.
Body recovering from two years of stress.
Month 2:
Started feeling like myself again.
Laughed. Read a book. Went on a hike.
Month 3:
Found a new job.
Better pay. Healthy culture. Supportive boss.
Month 6:
Realized:
I'd been gaslighting myself:
"It's not that bad."
"Everyone's job is like this."
"I'm being dramatic."
It WAS that bad.
Not everyone's job is like that.
I wasn't being dramatic.
How I Know My New Job Is Different
Old job:
Sunday nights = dread
New job:
Sunday nights = normal
Old job:
Cried in the car before going in
New job:
Don't dread going to work
Old job:
Every therapy session about work
New job:
Haven't talked about work in therapy in months
Old job:
Health failing
New job:
Health recovered
Old job:
Lost myself
New job:
Found myself again
If You're Wondering If Your Job Is Toxic
Ask:
Do you:
- Dread Sunday nights?
- Cry about work regularly?
- Have new health problems?
- Feel anxious all the time?
- Not recognize yourself anymore?
- Have no energy for life outside work?
- Fantasize about escape/disaster to get a break?
At work, is there:
- Constant criticism, rare praise?
- Moving goalposts?
- No boundaries expected?
- Gaslighting?
- Blame culture?
- High turnover?
If yes to several:
Your job is toxic.
Not just hard.
Not just stressful.
Toxic.
What I Wish I'd Known Sooner
You're not weak for leaving.
You're not a quitter.
You're not being dramatic.
You're protecting yourself:
From a place that's destroying you.
And no job:
No matter how "good it looks":
Is worth:
- Your health
- Your sanity
- Your sense of self
- Your life
You can get another job.
You can't get another you.
Two Years Later
I make more money.
I'm healthier.
I'm happier.
I'm me again.
And that job?
Still has high turnover.
Still toxic.
But I'm not there.
And every Sunday night:
I don't feel dread.
Because I chose myself:
Over a paycheck.
Best decision I ever made.
About 4Angles: Toxic jobs aren't just hard—they're places that destroy your health, sanity, and sense of self. And you're not dramatic for leaving. You're brave.
Last updated: October 31, 2025