Everyone asks: "Did therapy help?"
And I never know how to answer.
Because the changes aren't what people expect.
I'm not suddenly happy all the time.
I still get anxious. Still get depressed. Still struggle.
But everything is different.
Before Therapy: The Thought Patterns
Before:
"I'm anxious."
Panics about being anxious.
"Why am I anxious? What's wrong with me? Everyone else is fine. I'm broken. This is never going to stop. I can't handle this."
Anxiety about anxiety spirals into panic attack.
After:
"I'm anxious."
Notices it.
"Okay. Anxiety. That's uncomfortable. What's triggering this? What do I need right now?"
Works with it instead of fighting it.
The anxiety didn't disappear.
My relationship with it changed.
Before Therapy: The Relationship Patterns
Before:
Someone treats me badly.
"Maybe I'm overreacting. Maybe I'm too sensitive. Maybe they didn't mean it. Maybe I should try harder. Maybe I'm the problem."
Stays. Accepts mistreatment. Doubts self.
After:
Someone treats me badly.
"That doesn't feel right. I don't like how that felt. That crossed a boundary."
Names it. Addresses it. Leaves if it continues.
The mistreatment didn't stop.
My tolerance for it did.
Before Therapy: The People-Pleasing
Before:
Friend: "Can you help me move this weekend?"
I have plans. I'm exhausted. I don't want to.
Me: "Of course! What time?"
Cancels own plans. Helps. Feels resentful.
After:
Friend: "Can you help me move this weekend?"
I have plans. I'm exhausted. I don't want to.
Me: "I can't this weekend. Hope the move goes well!"
Doesn't explain. Doesn't apologize. Keeps plans.
People still asked.
I stopped saying yes to everything.
Before Therapy: The Conflict Avoidance
Before:
Someone does something that hurts me.
Says nothing. Stews. Resents. Avoids them.
Them: "What's wrong?"
Me: "Nothing."
Relationship slowly dies from unspoken resentment.
After:
Someone does something that hurts me.
Me: "Hey, when you [specific thing], I felt [feeling]. Can we talk about it?"
Hard conversation. Resolution or clarity. Relationship survives or ends honestly.
Conflict still happens.
I stopped running from it.
Before Therapy: The Self-Talk
Before:
Makes mistake.
"I'm so stupid. Why do I always do this? Everyone thinks I'm an idiot. I can't do anything right. I'm a failure."
Spirals. Believes it. Feels worthless.
After:
Makes mistake.
"That didn't go how I wanted. What can I learn from this? Everyone makes mistakes. This doesn't define me."
Learns. Moves on. Doesn't internalize.
I still make mistakes.
I stopped making them mean something about my worth.
Before Therapy: The Boundaries
Before:
Didn't have any.
People could:
- Call anytime
- Show up unannounced
- Make demands
- Take my time/energy/money
- Treat me however
- Cross any line
I accepted it all because I didn't know I could say no.
After:
Have boundaries.
Clear about:
- When I'm available
- What I will/won't do
- How I want to be treated
- What I need
- What I won't tolerate
Enforces them even when uncomfortable.
People still push.
I stopped moving.
Before Therapy: The Emotions
Before:
Feels sad.
"I shouldn't feel this way. This is stupid. Other people have it worse. I need to get over it. Stop being dramatic."
Suppresses. Numbs. Distracts.
After:
Feels sad.
"I'm sad. That's okay. Sadness is information. What is it telling me? What do I need?"
Feels it. Processes it. Lets it move through.
Emotions still come.
I stopped fighting them.
Before Therapy: The Triggers
Before:
Gets triggered.
Reacts immediately:
- Yells
- Shuts down
- Lashes out
- Spirals
Then feels guilty and ashamed.
After:
Gets triggered.
Notices it:
"I'm triggered. This feels like [past wound]. This person isn't [person from past]. I can pause. I can choose how to respond."
Responds instead of reacting.
Triggers still happen.
I have space between trigger and response now.
Before Therapy: The Responsibility
Before:
Everything was my fault.
Relationship fails: My fault. Someone's mad: My fault. Someone's unhappy: My fault. Anything goes wrong: My fault.
Carried responsibility for everyone's feelings and choices.
After:
I'm responsible for me.
Relationship fails: We both contributed. Someone's mad: That's their emotion to manage. Someone's unhappy: I can't fix that for them. Something goes wrong: What's my actual part?
Carry my part. Not everyone else's.
People still blame me.
I stopped accepting blame that isn't mine.
Before Therapy: The Worth
Before:
My worth was based on:
- What I did for others
- How useful I was
- How much people liked me
- My achievements
- Never making mistakes
- Being perfect
Exhausting. Impossible. Constantly failing.
After:
My worth is inherent.
It exists because I exist.
Not because of:
- What I do
- Who likes me
- What I achieve
- How perfect I am
Just because I'm human.
People still judge.
My worth isn't up for debate anymore.
Before Therapy: The Relationships
Before:
Stayed in relationships because:
- Didn't want to be alone
- Fear of hurting them
- Sunk cost fallacy
- Hope they'd change
- Didn't think I deserved better
Many unfulfilling, some toxic, few healthy.
After:
Stay in relationships because:
- They're healthy
- They're reciprocal
- They add to my life
- There's mutual respect
- We both want to be there
Fewer relationships. All healthy.
Not everyone stayed.
The right ones did.
Before Therapy: The Future
Before:
"I'll always be this way. This is just who I am. I'm broken. Nothing will change. I'm stuck."
Hopeless. Resigned. Victim of my own mind.
After:
"I'm not fixed, but I'm growing. This is hard, but I'm learning. I'm not broken—I'm healing. Change is possible. I'm not stuck."
Hopeful. Active. Author of my own life.
The struggles didn't end.
The belief that I'm powerless did.
What Actually Changed
Not what people think:
❌ I'm not happy all the time ❌ I don't have all the answers ❌ I'm not "cured" ❌ Life isn't perfect ❌ I still struggle
What actually changed:
✅ I notice my patterns ✅ I have tools to cope ✅ I can name what I feel ✅ I set boundaries ✅ I choose differently ✅ I'm kinder to myself ✅ I take responsibility for me (not everyone) ✅ I know my worth isn't conditional
Therapy didn't fix me.
Because I wasn't broken.
It taught me:
I can work with my brain instead of against it. I can choose my responses. I can change my patterns. I can heal.
The Timeline
People ask: "How long until therapy works?"
For me:
Month 1-3: Cried a lot. Felt worse. Considered quitting.
Month 4-6: Started noticing patterns. Still struggling but seeing why.
Month 7-12: Small changes. Caught myself mid-pattern a few times.
Year 2: Significant changes. Different responses. New habits forming.
Year 3+: Most changes feel natural now. Still work in progress.
It's not linear.
Some weeks I feel like I've made no progress.
Some moments I catch myself doing something differently and realize: "Therapy worked."
If You're Considering Therapy
It won't:
- Fix you instantly
- Make everything easy
- Solve all your problems
- Make you happy all the time
It will:
- Give you tools
- Help you understand yourself
- Teach you to work with your brain
- Show you your patterns
- Help you choose differently
It's hard.
You'll want to quit.
Keep going.
The changes are small at first.
Then one day you're in a situation that would've destroyed you before—
And you handle it differently.
That's when you know.
About 4Angles: Therapy doesn't fix you—it teaches you that you were never broken. Just stuck in patterns you didn't know how to change.
Last updated: October 31, 2025